021; destiny

NDOHUSBDUHDBUVSHFOSHOSFH.

Okay, so FINALLY I decided to settle my poly enrollment papers. Too many papers! I went through one by one, and left the rest to my parents. Then the online thing and the payment. Did all of that, got pissed off because I still had to pay a thousand plus because god knows why even though i already selected PSEA I still had to pay and extra $1100.

So yes. I finished all of that (after much assurance from my parents to just pay the thousand plus) and proceeded with watching videos and other what not. Criminal Minds hehe Reid started playing the piano ^_^ ANYWAY.

I decided to check my DAE status application just for fun, I expected it to still be under consideration because the person incharge emailed me after I applied that the results will be out from early March to Mid April.

SEKALI.

Status; Successful

APE LAGI AKU PANIC AH! I JUST PAYED FOR NYP'S SEMESTER BECAUSE I EXPECTED THE RESULTS TO BE OUT AFTER MY NYP ENROLLMENT WAS DUE! AND NOW THIS POPS OUT!

& I really don't know what to do.

Social sciences is a very humble course, about helping other people and stuff, but the job scope isn't that wide.. I'm scared that I won't get like, a job or land in a university after getting the diploma. Plus, social work, most of the organizations are non-profit..

Law on the other hand has a wide scope but I'm worried if the job requires me to defend bad people or something, or subahat. I know I can become something else OTHER than a lawyer but I'm not so sure now.

Tbh, before my appeal results, I solat istikarah and dreamt that I got into law, but then irl i got accepted into social sciences. Now, I'm accepted into law also :/

It's after midnight and I feel like waking my mum up T___T but I know what she'll say, its all up to me. Plus I already payed so they'll most probably support SS. But if they do let me choose, and if I really have bad luck with these kind of situations and we can't get a refund, and we waste about a thousand plus dollars because I chose law, I think I'll die of guilt.

Some more Dad kept reassuring me its okay and that they already set aside money for my education so it wont matter if we have to pay extra because of the psea thing. i was so worked up. I will feel so guilty if all that money is wasted. Could be saved for buying furniture for the new house sia. Like an aircon in my room. I'm happy if my room consisted of a mattress and aircon. No table no chair as long as got aircon.

Why do I always have the luxury of choosing? Can't everything just be set in stone and layed out in front of me so I can just follow? I really DESPISE choosing. I'll be too busy setting out the advantages and disadvantages and eventually come to a conclusion that both are equal and get so distressed i feel like peeing every other minute and ripping my precious hair off.

I HATE BEING BORN IN OCTOBER. I HATE BEING A LIBRAN.

Librans are so fixated in finding equality that eventually leads to indecisiveness.

OKAY PEOPLE READING THIS POST.

Please either sms me or tweet me or fb me your opinions please. Unfortunately, Librans ALSO consider GREATLY people's opinions more than their own, so yeah.

020; MARIO MAURER

Hi there!

I woke up feeling so pissed! Why? You know the resolution I made in the previous post? PFT, I HAD A DREAM ABOUT IT! I dreamt that the person suddenly contacted me again and gave reasons etc, and I was SO CONVINCED that it was real, it's one of those dreams where you really think it's happening but then I woke up. Then I got pissed because that dream definitely IS NOT help me with phase 2. I'm still angry about everything :

Anyway, I finished the English bit of Abah's assignment. Will start on Malay one tomorrow. Tiring but, I want the money.

I GOT MY SHOES TODAY!

NICE RIGHT?! THESE are the correct pair that I wanted to buy previously! Came with 3 pairs of shoelaces too excluding the white one on the shoes itself. Hehehe. Next, I want to buy a white pair. So can use with the shoelaces that I have. Almost all colours xD Except purple, brown and orange? Hehe. This obsession with shoes is very satisfying.

So today wasn't really beneficial :/ I didn't do a lot. Didn't even finish watching Phineas and Ferb!

OH BUT I DID WATCH THIS AWESOME THAI MOVIE "A little thing called love" & IT WAS SO AWESOMEZXZXZXZ. THE TWIST WAS SO UNEXPECTED IT HAD ME SCREAMING AND KICKING MY BED OTL And it stars Mario Maurer. HEHEHEHEHE. Thai guys.. Not bad.. Ok, what was I thinking, dude, KHUN. KHUN=THAI. PFT. KHUN=ANGEL FACE. Ahaha its a highschool romance movie and god knows how much I love those movies!

Oh. Suddenly craving those cinnamon melts. I miss buying that and the $1 coke and lepak-ing at mcdonalds there. Maybe I should go there tomorrow? & like, try asking for a job? Oh I want to register for kclass again too....

Oh mak kau, lupe nk apply utk scholarship OTL esok esok OTL Malas nk scan ah... Haven't even gotten my confirmation letter.

Ahahaha this discussion again. How Siraaj looks like Minho. Please lah. Sama seh. HAHAHAHA. Nazihah mati2 ckp x sama. Even bdk mwti notice seh muke die mcm minho. Even tinggi nk mmpos mcm minho. Try cmpk gambar kt knetizens, tgk ape drg ckp lolol.

I still have to slowly let loose of these paranoid feelings whenever I check my email and whenever my phone vibrates because honestly whenever I do, I get so disappointed afterwards :( It really affects my mood sometimes.

I think I found a way to stop cussing! I should replace those cusses with strong complex english vocabulary that further expresses the way I'm feeling instead of curse words! Amcm, awesome x? Pandai x? HEHE AKU TAU ^__^ So next stop, dictionary! Oh no I think I want to buy GP books. I like GP : Its very fascinating.

You know, I think whats been bugging me the most is how I really don't believe that the person is THAT kind of person. I don't think the person is THAT mcm tergamak utk buat cmni. Like, maybe there's a reason? Because, tgk je perangai die, ade ke krg expect die nk buat bende cmni? hmm? x kan? idek anymore..

Which reminds me. Need to change my blog link. I already changed my twitter name so yeah. No more of this "contractor". Which also reminds me, I still have the contractor picture in my phone and the stalker pictures in my computer. :/ Bye bye everything.

Alright then. Quite late. Actually, no, it's only 12:35 HAHAHA My sleeping time is still weird after Os, when the average time that I slept at was like 2~3am so I'm still getting used to sleeping whenever I want. I have frequent naps now. Just basically watching random mvs (big bang mostly) and suddenly falling asleep :

Ah! I have a problem! Idk whether to cut my hair or not :/ It's not that long, just slightly after my shoulder but suddenly after watching IU's Marshmellow MV, I missed having short hair! The feeling of freedom when I had short hair, fushooo! But then again, IU's hair is straight so it looks nice like that, but I have very wavy hair, no hope of straightening, I TRIED, it will take hours to straighten, so i dont think it'll look nice on me. Even considering straight bangs but not too thick but then again, i remember how irritating bangs were, I grew them out for the last 2 years I think, it now chin length but its still irritating because I cant tie it up without having clips. & bangs increases the chances of having a pimple infested forehead again. My forehead is now clean and I don't want it getting infested again.

Ah I didn't eat dinner again. Nor did I eat lunch. Oh well. Lose weight. Haha! Like that's gonna happen. My breakfast usually are granola bars and cereal and keropok. After that I rarely eat anything else until the next day.

I MISS MY UNCLE SUDDENLY HAHA MAMU MAN WHEN YOU GONNA COME AND URUT MY BACK AGAIN?! And I also miss my late aunt. I remember how she absolutely adored coming over and play with baby nazhir and she frequently did too since she lives a river away (literally).. Sigh. She tutored me maths before too. And gave me lots of advices since she was one of my more educated aunts. How she always saved me from her cat at her house. Her wearing her baju butterfly everytime I came by haha! Always offered me to eat dinner with them after having tuition. We were really close to her. Her death was a shock to all of us, so young. I cried for a month every night, no joke. I loved her :( when I came back to school, really ah, I sulked every day for about 2 weeks.

Overall, I love my family! Exceptionally close to my relatives on my mum's side. Love to disturb them. My girl cousins all so fun. My guy cousins all so gentleman. Hehe they also have an array of occupations so I can always call for help. I have genius cousins, nurse cousins, teacher cousins (A LOT), future chef cousin, photographer cousins, future engineer cousins, police cousins, racecar driver cousin (yes for real hohoho!), and a lot more. Many resources hehe. And my beautiful nieces and nephews! <33>

Oh, i've been writing for an hour already, off to take my meds and sleep.

Adios amigos :D

019; a new beginning!

The last post was a little depressing but, here I am! As happy (slightly) as I can be~ Why? Hehe, first of all, CONGRATULATE ME!

I am in the process of.. How should I put it.. Leaving behind my past? Finally, I got tired of waiting, really tired, and if he really really still wanted to be friends then he would have at least made some sort of contact so eventually, I deduced that he doesn't want to do it anymore. So I sent one last email and, tadah! I am a free woman going through phase 1 of leaving it all behind. No strings attached? That, I don't know.

Moving on!

Being a potato couch isn't that bad.. If you have food.. And when I say potato couch, it's literally couch as in my bed is the couch that can turn into a bed thing. I rarely ever leave my room except to eat and go to the toilet or play with Nazhir though hehe. Maybe I'll go to the library tomorrow?

Groceries are running low.. Pdhl it was just a few days ago that we went grocery shopping..

I finally have a few plans for next week! Going to yishun for a bit on Monday, maybe dropping by somewhere after that.. To avoid further nsidfnwruifnjkzsd moments, I'll just pass the stuff to my sister to give Syakirin later on.. Then to the dermatologist on Tuesday/Wednesday for my monthly visit.. And for this Sunday, for SSS maybe? Se7en yo! Don't get me wrong, I've completely layed off the stalking/crazing for kpop thing but this is free mah. Rezeki. And I only spazz for TVXQ(+JYJ), DGNA, Beast and IU only okay .__. and maybe Big Bang..

But no more of this everywhere anywhere talk kpop! I swear! I made a vow to stop all of that madness! But with the exception of the above named artists. OMIBHSUIHSB JYJ CONCERT GDI I AM SO BUYING THE MOST EXPENSIVE TICKETS (even though, personally their english songs sucked except for a few. They should have promoted Empty but I guess because a renowned rapper featured in Ayyy Girl they decided to promote that..?) . ANYWAY JYJ <3 I WANT TO LISTEN TO EU KYANG KYANG LIVE!

Just now music bank (I thought seungri was on so I watched -__-), backstage, secret and tvxq. When I first read on the screen that the backstage interviewees were tvxq I 100% totally expected a 5:4 ratio of people (ie tvxq:secret) then suddenly the camera zoomed out and I was crestfallen to see only 2. I totally forgot tvxq consisted of 2 just now. Like, seriously, no kidding I expected jaejoong's blond hair, junsu's cheeky smile, yoochun's sexy expression, yunho's confident stance and changmin's mismatched eyes but I only got 2 out of 5 :( SAD LIFE SIA.

I'll try finishing Abah's assignment by tonight Insya Allah, if my stomach stops giving me an attitude. Horrible stomachaches. Felt like puking but alhamdulillah I didn't because I remember the last time I puked. A week in bed with that excruciating fever. We don't want that to happen again would we...

Oh just now the social sciences lecturer from NYP called regarding scholarships.. Introed me to the scholarships available etc. She's very nice! I think because the class is small, she remembers most of her students because I mentioned Ishak's name when she asked me about how I got to know about the course since I didn't go for NYP's open house..

Mom popped a shocking question last night; "What if you got law & management?" Tros aku cm O___O alamak. Then I really dont know what to settle on. I got myself mentally prepared for law before the appeal results but SEKALI i got social science! Both courses have their own benefits and losses so idrk :/ Oh well.

March holidays will be heading to Johor i think for my poly shopping and house setting up~ By end of this year insya allah everything will be fine for the johor house~ Can't wait! Still haven't decided on anything for my room.

Alright then, all the best for myself and to all of you!
ADIOS AMIGOS!

/untitled

Why am I still angry?

Why can't I stop being so angry? Why can't I just forget everything and move on?

Why is it left hanging, with no ending, no explanations, no nothing?

Being so angry all the time is very emotionally draining, and I'm tired of this.

But I can't stop being angry unless I get at least some form of explanation.

So please, please, please. Just, say something to me. Please.

018; shopping!

Salaam to all my fellow readers (if i do have them)!

I FINALLY WENT OUT TODAY! Firstly to blanja Aminah, Farah and Sarah KFC at Bishan (Fortune feast, fullamak, kenyang beb) and secondly, a date with the rapist (guess who).

Tiring day, afraid to say I spent around $100 shopping today. Fruitful! But I want more shoes OTL I'm more satisfied with my shoes compared to the rest that I bought hehe. What couldn't be avoided was the fact that one of them were pink xD INEVITABLE!

No more shopping for me (except shoes) until we go Johor!

That is actually all that happened just now :/

I need to pick up a hobby.

& still depressed. y u do this to me ;__; i feel like nothing to you rn. who r u to make me feel like this.

cb ah, adios amigos.

017; hehe

HELLLLOOOOOOOO $20 KFC VOUCHER! hehehehehehe but blanja-ing Aminah and Farah because I managed to get into poly, looong story.

Hmm, in a slightly better mood these days. Sometimes I wonder whether I chose the right path, whether social sciences is really for me, but tawakkal je lah. I'll do my best! Really testing my strength lately. These times I really need antisocials but T___T Hengh.

"You'll be fat in 2 months."

Evil right, my dad T____T Should I find a job? A really easy job........ But i want to enjoy my holidays before school starts... But then...

I can't think of anything else to write about.. I still feel depressed... But at least I laughed today.. I want to go shopping but abah says go johor then revamp wardrobe.. I want to order shoes online but something is wrong with my gmarket... Problem ah. I want shoes man.. Shoes... Pretty shoes.........

OK then. Movie time~

ADIOS~ AMIGOS~

016; at ease

AH! Too many things happened! IDK WHERE TO START! Summary first then today's events.

Err, I went to school. As usual. So I was in mwti for 3.5 days? Record ah, seriously. I got accepted into social sciences at NYP (skola sama pe ngn kakak aku, haha tp by the time i enter, she will be gone already), and today, I withdrew from mwti.

Ok, starting from the top. Actually Monday got something happen also. But I don't want to elaborate here, nor anywhere else (except twitter lah) because I'm still pissed off about it. Like, I don't think I've been this mad + disappointed + etc with someone so long. I'm trying to, well, cool down and just drop everything, but too many memories. Too many to drop at one time. I.. don't think I'll wait anymore. OK! Enough with the cryptic paragraph!

Today was my last day at mwti. I ran for the bus today, because it was too cold, and I wanted some heat T__T Its been really cold lately, with the addition of all my classes being held in a fully air-conditioned lecture theatre and classrooms. I'm not the sort who can tahan the coldness :/ Anyway yeap, reached school early, actually not that early just not borderline timing as usual. Today was the first day of separation of the preu1s. WHICH, equals to me being alone in a room full of guys again!

Awkward moment waiting for the juniors to take their stuffs and leave, and wait for the ukhrawi class to settle down.. Then finally the academic people went into our classroom. Tros cm.. mane aku nk dudok.. Settled down, and the preu2 acad guys went into our classroom to chat and lepak. Talk2. Clean2. Copy2 (GP homework). Scheme2. Hassan scaring me again. Irritating sia dietu ngn crite hantu die. Something also happened in reference to the 3rd paragraph of this post but I won't.. write it down here. Siraaj ah basket btol.. Gp homework, budak irsyad will forever be budak irsyad, copy membuta. Da normal ah. And Nash telling me to sweep the floor. But of course aku x gerak pon. Diri, gerak2kan meja je hahahahaha~ at last zul yg sapu.

Ustazah Rozanna came in, intro herself and ourselves. Bla3. Kacau Nash. Best. "& I like pink" He said. "Oh cmtu, knape x join maarif? haha" Ustzh. "KO NK UNIFORM LAMA AKU??" Me. Hahahahaahah~ Then some more free periods, one extra since our maths teacher didn't come. Talked about amaths, irk results, arabic, english. How Zul didn't sign my Maths Class A paper thing during our last lesson. I uploaded the picture on fb xD Nk tag zul kt empty space x? haha!

At the end of the day, i went to the office to withdraw myself from the school. Went home after that. Go mcd and buy food. Hungry ttm ah. So tu life story aku for today.

Smlm? Aku x igt... Monday, this one event je.. Again, reference to 3rd paragraph so it won't be written here.. I feel like re-reading my grad book xD I havent finished writing it..

Haven't decided what to do next, find a new job or accompany nazhir at home, the poor kid. Shopping for poly will be done at johor, abah said.

So overall, alhamdulillah, everything turned out well despite the setbacks.. Grateful for the chances that I've been given. Currently content and happy :)

Okay, scratch that, my heart still feels really heavy about paragraph 3, its been.. a week, i've been feeling like this. I thought it'd be long before it came back but i thought wrong .__. Idk what to think anymore. I want explanations but apparently i don't deserve it due to the lack of communication which is totally not because of me, because i'm on fb, twitter, msn, phone 24/7 and i TRIED ok, I TRIED! I'm not cold-hearted until I don't even notice the absence, and be so relaxed about it. I have a heart ok. I worry. I imagine. & I give up.

Really need to stop being so depressed. And pessimistic. I've never been this pessimistic. I've always been optimistic. but ever since results OTL

Free tomorrow onwards, i think i'll visit the library to study or something.

There was a mention about fried chicken today during one of the classes and i almost teared up thinking about eating them. Lovely fried chicken. Nomnomnom.

I. WANT. SEOUL. GARDEN. LAH. SOMEONE. PLEASE. OTL

Alright. Nothing else to do now. I'll be going~

ADIOS AMIGOS XD

(I gave up on the translating thing)

015; ^__^

The emoticon above reminded me of someone but, oh well.

A lot of happenings since I last posted. Getting my results, getting posted to YJC, going for the orientation, deciding that JC wasn't for me, withdrawing from JC, being so lost in life I felt like giving up, picking myself up and applied for mwti, at the same time appealing for polytechnic. Doa that it all goes well for me as you read on will you? :)

The paragraph above basically sums everything up.. Eh I didn't mention that I was sick during the orientation and ended up going home early, also the same for my first day at mwti. Not on purpose okay. I admit, leaving early from the jc orientation was a tad bit satisfying compared to the other, but both were not on purpose. Darn getting the flu every other month :/ IT'S LIKE A CURSE!

What else? Quitting work (SAD. DEPRESSING. I WANT MONEY).. Tall guy discovering that I was (slightly) stalking him.. That one was like a bullet through the heart man. Pft. I NO ADMIRE U ANYMO.

Poly appeal results will be out on the 8th, haven't decided if I'll be staying in mwti or not for like a month or so if I do get poly, depends. I'd like to study GP for a while but god knows how much I hate sastera. But everything still depends on whether my appeal is accepted. I think I'll get depressed if it doesn't fall through. Must prepare. I've been feeling down ever since JC orientation. Nothing against YJC, the place was awesome and the people there were angels, especially my OGLs but the feeling of guilt when I removed my scarf was too overwhelming+depressing+etc etc that i finally decided upon withdrawal from the jc. If I have other ways of obtaining knowledge without sacrificing what I've been trying so hard to protect since kindergarten, then I'll give my all for it.

So, next is mwti. A last minute decision, I love you Aminah for helping me with it! And who knew.. Who knew I was going to end up with 7 guys in the preu1.2. HILARIOUS KAN? AKU SORANG GIRL. KLAKA KAN? HAHAHAHAHAHA. PLUS!! I also missed the maths and econs diagnostic test thing because I was absent. SICK OK SICK T___T No choice. Will be asking the teacher if I can take the test on Monday.. Aminah said the teacher was also the discipline teacher, so I am...................... nervous. Sucks not having parents to deal with all of this lolol, I never had to even come to school when I applied for Irsyad, A-Z all handled by my mum even yearly book purchases. Time to be independent but I doesn't mean I can't hate being independent hehe. Really sucks. All my moolah. Everything has to be in cash also! Do you know how scary it is to handle hundreds of bucks OTL Its still in my wallet, since I never got a chance to pay what I owe the school currently.

I haven't even purchased the books, mum said not to unless its confirmed that I'm not going to poly. So I'm bookless and uniformless currently. Aminah ni ah, kawan ape ni ko T____T KFC pon xnk..

Currently watching Dream High.. Idek why, I got nothing else to watch. Criminal minds getting suckier by the episode, with less team shots, more of Seaver. God knows how ecstatic i was seeing the 100% negative response from loyal criminal minds fans at the cmblog xD Literally laughed till i rolled on the bed reading the responses. UNITED WE STAND XP

Trying really hard to keep up a happy face these days :/ Its been really hard, especially with less communication with the antisocials :( I MISS YOU ALLLLLLLL!

Hehe I think I'll continue with Dream High, I get really excited listening to Samdong's saturi. I love it when koreans use their saturi, despite them being really embarrassed about it. Y U NO LIKE SATURI?! CHARMING WHAAAAAT! Everytime samdong bebual aku xle angkat seh ketawa, cute sgt xD

Family from KL is here for the holidays, and THUS! we have been eating out a lot hehehehe heaven on earth!

Damn I agree with netizens. Suzy really sucks as an actress, some more she's the lead. I'm looking forward to Samdong and Pilsook-Jason scenes heheheheheh IU <3333>

Anyhow, let's pray that it'll all go well on Monday! and most of all on Tuesday!

ADIOS AMIGOS!

(i need to get translate that to another language -___-)