Assalamualaikum,
I had to look back at my last post to decide how to start this post lol and wow it's already my second semester in NUS! How time flies!
Reflecting back on the concerns I had previously:
1) Quitting my job: Yes it was a painful process. I was trying to keep the tears in until, oh, idk, when i'm alone or something but that did NOT happen lmao I broke down when my colleagues threw me a surprise farewell party and they started showing this video of my colleagues saying their farewell messages to me. I succeeded for a bit not to cry but completely broke down when my supervisor popped out on the screen :'( One of the people who really facilitated my growth both as a person and a professional, I've gotten really attached to him.
It's been almost a year since I left, but yes, I still visit them from time to time especially when I end school early and decide to waste some time chilling at the office. It's gotten to a point where they don't feel like I've left HAHA but all's well and i leave small messages sometimes to cheer them up since work as been hell (info from insiders hehe)
2) Making new friends: Surprisingly, this was not an issue at all roflmao. I guess I've always thrived among people and this was not an exception. I do feel sullen sometimes that it's taking time for me to really get to know someone from uni but good things come for those who wait i guess. Tbh, I've been stepping out of my comfort zone and trying out new things a lot since uni started. I joined a CCA for once hahahahaha hey that's a great achievement okay! To add on to that, I even joined 2 adhoc events lol suicide actually but I've been coping alright. I even signed up to be OGL for Social Work camp and intending on signing up to be OGL for MS camp too.... if i can handle it lol but it's fun yknow getting to know new people? The act of trying to sustain a conversation with someone new will really help me when i resume work again in the future HAHAHA
Moving on to current challenges.. Hmm..
NUS wasn't kidding when they say that they strive for academic excellence. Everything here is so... academic, professional, chim. I guess if you are the sort who likes theories and the less tangible things, NUS is just for you. but for someone who is more apt on skills and more application based, I have to say that I am really struggling in NUS. There's just so much readings to do, so much academic writing and critical analysis that it's been making me feel demotivated at times. Even having prior experience and knowledge in Social Work does not give you the upper hand here. And yknow it gets so depressing when your results don't match your expectations. I bloody worked in the sector, handled crisis cases, gone through case conferences, but why am I not doing well in school?
Especially academic writing wise, JC kids are so good at making everything sound so chim and pro. I've liked reading and writing since Secondary school and my writing has always been more on trying to achieve clarity without the usage of chim words, as long as my point is being clearly expressed, I find that it is a good piece of work. Well, this has not been working out for me in uni considering the condition of my grades rn roflmao. Depressing right.
I'm still trying to deal with this, it's been taking a toll on my self-worth right now. I keep tryna tell myself that grades don't matter but it's just something so ingrained in myself that it's impossible to rid so easily. I keep comparing and putting in more effort but it just doesn't seem to be working out. Hell, some mods i've been putting in more effort than 4 mods combined but i still barely passed midterms and THAT really made me bloody depressed. Like what's the point of working hard anymore if that's not churning out results? To add on, some people are at an advantage cos they've learned it before in JC so screw that. Group meetings for this particular mod has left me feeling so bloody useless and stupid.
This academic pressure, adding on to my CCA and family responsibilities has left me zero time to think about other things honestly.
Alrighty, I just needed to let off some steam and procrastinating from completing my assignment lol. I actually have tons more to write about like how my faith is like rn, friendship stuff, grandma stuff, self personality stuff, but i'll leave that to another time.
Hope everyone has been doing well.
