Attachment

Assalamualaikum!

Ahh weekends. The first weekend since attachment started. Unlucky me got attached alone at an EIPIC Centre @ Woodlands... Although special needs was the sector that I myself chose but being attached to a centre alone is really quite depressing, especially when most of the time you're in the office and your colleagues are too quiet and busy with their work to talk to you :(

But I have my plans >:D

The first week was really hectic. Since i was the only social work intern there I got the opportunity to follow my sup for every single home visit and intake assessment that she did and had to do reports on each and every one. It was really too overwhelming for me. But i think it just so happened that my sup had a lot of sessions scheduled for my first week so I think next week there will be less. More time for to observe the kids yay!

Trying really hard to settle in, and being someone who hates changes but is always put in a situation where I keep having to deal with the changes... It was still difficult. It IS still difficult. I know, I've changed schools a lot every since kindergarten and every single time I had to deal with the changes alone. Frankly, I hate the first few weeks. You just feel so lonely and somethings I look at myself and think how pathetic I was for trying so hard to make new friends and fit in.

But this time round is was a bit different since I had my classmates supporting me through this stressful week. I really felt horrible halfway because of the culture shock- too much work, too many strangers etc but my classmates kept supporting me and I loved that. Although I still do get lonely a lot of times in the office... I just have to deal with it alone. Isn't that what I do the best. Self entertaining.

This greatly explains why I want to get married early =_= I want a lifelong companion man. I'm so lonely :(( HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and I want 5 kids.

Anyway, I'm getting used to the workload (sometimes jealous of my friends who are stuck with admin work bcos I AM NECK DEEP IN WORK RN), still trying to get used to the timing (Workplace is at Admiralty and I wake up at 6 to go to work and reach home at approximately 8pm everyday), still trying to make friends... But yeah it's only 8 weeks so.. Ill just stay strong and deal with it. I hate being lonely man. I had to go through one whole year of that during Sec 3 and the feeling sucked so bad.

And I miss my classmates. So much. Only 2 years passed but we managed to form a bond so strong, it's only been one week and I miss our class, i miss them, i miss their nonsense, i miss our lecturers, i miss my table, i miss studying... /sigh

So funny how khai hk and i were discussing our project and we had to call our lecturer jocelyn for help and before we called her we were saying how badly we missed her and her perkiness and started to imagine how she'd pick up the call. When she finally did, with her classic perky greeting, WE JUST SCREAMED INTO THE PHONE MAN. WE MISSED HER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH and listening to her voice really almost made me tear up because at the time i was so stressed and not used to the change and hearing her voice was like half the load off my shoulders. When you see her, you'll understand. She's like... a happy bug!!!

Yeah I still have some more work to do... But I was really happy to be able to sleep in today. And I decided to go to and from work with khai and hk who are stationed in CCK although i have a simpler route to go to and from work but seeing familiar faces really helps with my anxiety. And yes, I get really anxious every day and my hair is falling out because of all the stress.

Okay then, I'm going to spend the whole day finishing off ALL my work so the next few weeks I won't have so many things to do. Have a great weekend everybody!

Reflections

Assalamualaikum!

This is a bit late but here's a post on my reflections, not necessarily for the year of 2012 but maybe throughout these 2 years of being in poly?

Okay so here's the thing, our attachment is officially starting tomorrow. CRAZY RIGHT? Just 3 days after finishing our exams (which in my opinion did not go well but oh well, I tried my best) and just straightaway attachment! After attachment we'll be having a short break, then FYP! After FYP, another short break and straightaway attachment #2! THEN GRADUATION!!

Time is flying past way too fast and I don't think I'm prepared. I'm prepared to learn some more through FYP and attachments but I AM NOT READY TO BE SEPARATED FROM MY CLASSMATES! We've gotten too close over the years and to be honest, I actually look forward to seeing my classmates everyday because they're such a lovely bunch of people ♥ But now that attachment is starting and I'm actually going to be attached to a centre without a partner, oh my goodness I'm going to be so lonelyyyy.

I just hope it won't be another case like the time I worked at Suntec for a while. Eating lunch alone was so depressing and there was no one around my age to befriend. I really suffered man. Then I realized how I liked being around people. I mean yeah, I do like being alone but being alone has its limits man. Being around positive people really is quite fun!

Although I am set to come with a positive mind since I've been dreaming of working at EIPIC centre and experiencing what is it like there. My greatest fear however has always been one thing- counselling. I love doing group programmes and everything else but I am the most scared of counselling. And I have honestly no idea why. My stomach just shrivels at the thought of having to counsel someone, even if its in the presence of a supervisor. So idk, I think I'm going to bring it up to my sup one day.

Being someone who is super organized and hates unexpected things, I have come up with a list of things to prepare for the attachment like questions and notes and whatever. That was actually one thing that Jocelyn once commented during a counselling session (not one on one, the module counselling when we had fake counselling sessions) is that I'm too organized and prepare too much. Idk i hate not knowing what's going to happen so that's why i always prepare and have so many backup plans and i think of every possible outcome of something. I mean it's good to a certain extent lah but for counselling, I KNOW IT DOESN'T WORK because you have to follow the client's flow not your own so I guess that's what i'm most worried of? I hate the unexpected. I want to be prepared for everything. I want plans. Is it too demanding? Hahahahah idk laaahhhh wahlaaaooooo

Ok moving on!

FYP group! We decided on it after the placement briefing and I was really scared bcos majority voted for drawing lots so that's what we went through with. Anyway I voted for the other option which was to choose our own members but in the end I just left it all to Allah- I mean if i get a member whom I think I cannot work with, I'll just take it as another learning journey. Just like what I did last sem when we ended up with 4 members to work on our projects. Really challenging but I think we did really well :) Anyway after getting our groups, I realized.... I WAS SO BLESSED THAT DAY. All my groupmates are people who I get along really well with! I was so happy haha! Azizah, Kenji, Nadiah, Atika, Charmaine, Wenyang! 7 people in a group but I have faith that we can pull through!!

Ok gonna cut this post short, I actually have a meaningful thought to share but I've yet to process it so until then! :)