Second

Oleh itu, anak tengah juga cuba untuk melakukan yang terbaik bagi diri mereka tanpa mengharapkan bantuan orang lain.

Always, always me. The stereotype of a second child. Basically means that we try our best for ourselves without the help of others.

Just a short update, assalamualaikum.

Going over to Johor tmr after school. Then the next day dad'll send us to school from Johor. Troublesome right? You don't know half of it.

Alrighty. Happy hari raya haji everyone!

School!

Assalamualaikum!

YES IT'S THE WEEKENDS! Ok I am so shagged right now. Y2S2 is by far the most tiring semester so far. First week and we were bombarded with presentations to be done by week 8, a school-wide event that we have to plan by week 9, and 2 2000word assignments to be handed in in week 12 I think. But by far, the most tiring on is definitely the event. No introduction no nothing, suddenly told to plan an event. Whoaaa shocked man, I was shocked.

The 3rd and 4th day of school, I went home in such a tired condition and just plopped onto the floor when I reached home and slept there. Without any pillows or blanket or even carpet. I just hope I can cope this semester. Week 2 onwards I'll be super busy with projects.

It's actually quite expected lah, because after all this is done, next up will be ATTACHMENT. God knows how scared I am. I just hope I'll get what I want because I won't have the opportunity to experience it in Y3 bcos then my attachment would be with me sponsored VWO.

Okay so my aim for this semester is just, to do well. Just do my best lorh. Not for the sake of good grades but for the sake of wisdom and knowledge that I'll have gained by then.

Alrighty, just a short update, shall start on projects now. I'm in Johor btw. Sent my aunt to Hajj ytd night and went straight to Johor after that. Reached here at around 12+ lol my eyes could barely open when I prayed and did my daily skincare regime lolol

Ok bye!

Mistakes

Assalamualaikum!

Just a short update before I start to prepare for sleep. School starts tomorrow! I can't say that I'm looking forward to it but I'm not dreading it either. It's just that my priorities have changed ever since that incident and I'm a bit confused on how to begin the semester.

What exactly has changed?

I always went to school with the strong will to excel, to get good grades, to succeed in life. Mostly to get good grades because I've been brought up, and taught that grades matter a lot in life. So that was my sole reason why I do my hardest to excel. But I forgot something. Something so important.

I should've came to school with a mindset, a mindset that I am going to school for the sake of Allah. Study for the sake of Allah. Study for the sake of Him, to become a better person for Him. Study because it's considered Jihad fi Sabilillah. I totally forgot about it! I feel so shameful now to not have had that mindset since the beginning. I realized that was my mistake. It would've been easier on me if I'd had that mindset from the beginning, so that if I'd fail again, I'd know that I did my best, FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.

I personally think that was a huge mistake of mine. So now that a new semester is beginning, I'll start to alter my mindset to that. It's going to be a bit difficult to constantly remind myself so that I won't be too engulfed in studies but I'll try.

How did I come to the conclusion that that was my mistake? I read a post somewhere, or a tweet, I forgot. That this man wasted his life, earning money, living a good life but he still wasted it. Why? Because he didn't do it for the sake of Allah. He did it for the sake of living a good life. But why does that matter? Life is only temporary! You have to work hard for the afterlife, because that's where you'll stay forever after you die. How much money you have, how good your life was, things like that don't matter! What matters is of course, all the good that you've done in your life, how good of a servant you were to Allahh SWT. THAT
S WHAT THAT MATTERS!

It's going to be difficult no doubt, what isn't! But I will try my best, maybe I'll write it down somewhere. My motto used to be "God never sends us more than we can handle" (as stated in another post) but now it's "Fi Sabilillah (For the sake of Allah)". Of course, the old motto still works just that I'm prioritizing this one first. Okay. I said that this was going to be a short post, so I'll stick to it hehe. I'm happy that I managed to post sth beneficial, finally, after so long of posting meaningless posts haha!

Alrighty then! Good night!

10.10. 2012

Disappointment. Early in the morning and I felt so disappointed. Feel so sorry to my friends whom I spent the rest of my birthday with because I wasn't totally in a birthday mood.

And I don't feel like writing it down here because I've had enough of crying when I tweeted about it.

Today was SUPPOSED to be a special day that comes once a year. My birthday. But yeah, ending the day on a sad note. 5 more minutes to midnight.

2 more days!

I feel better nowadays.

Of course, the solution to such feelings of emptiness is always the same. It has always been the same. It's really regretful how I keep straying from the right path but I shall try my best to get back on the train every time.

One more week left to holidays :( Back to school after that. Idk how to react honestly, still have that remaining feelings towards studies ever since the incident. A bit traumatized yeah. Will I still have the same drive? I don't know. Mum's advice really helped though, toned the stress down a bit.

Wishful thinking. Is it really worth it? I gave some advice to someone recently and I can't seem to use it for myself hah. Is it really okay to keep your hopes up, and when it doesn't happen, you get so disappointed. But you still do it again and again and again. Because the future is indefinite and the scenario is not one where  it's totally impossible to happen, thus there IS a chance of it happening. But, idk.

I've been obsessed with online shopping again haha, now that I found a bunch of sellers who sell good quality long sleeved shirts, I've been spending nonstop, to the point that every time an email comes stating that my order is being shipped, I don't even remember which order was it hehe. But it's okay, school is starting soon and I do need the additional clothes. And pants. And other cosmetic products hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Oh oh my birthday is coming soon! Unlike other years I actually have neutral feelings about it haha mostly because the number.. the number.. nineteen.... T_____T I don't want to grow up. I want to be like Shawn. HAHAHAHA. But yeah. Nvm just wait and see.

My ankle is still in pain! Haha a stupid mistake I made during work. Was playing around with the trolley with Liyana when it suddenly stopped and hit my ankle. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. It's swollen but no bruise which I find weird haha but it doesn't hurt now unless I touch it. YES TOUCH. EVEN THE LIGHTEST BRUSH WILL HURT.

Alright, last day of work today! Shall get ready~ Bye!