Auditions.... WHAT?

Oh my god. I just got the shock of my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry HAHA.

So, at 4:51pm today on the 27th of August 2012, I got a call from an unknown number. I picked it up since it was a handphone number and it didn't seem weird. So.... yeah.

THEN I WAS TOLD THAT I GOT THROUGH TO THE SECOND ROUND OF AUDITIONS FOR TVN KPOP STARHUNT SEASON 2.

Then I was like.... you sure or not? But I never say lah, so I just let the lady say out all these information regarding the second round of auditions being on this Saturday, about only being able to sing for one minute without any background song, my audition is in the morning and whatever stuff. And I was still.. o____o

Okay so here's the thing. There's this app called Kpop holic where people can upload clips of them singing and have people rate it and post comments etc and they provide the vocal-less version of the music and all. And yeah, I use it quite often but the hype only lasted like 2 weeks and I stopped using it after that. So yeah there's this one song that I thought, hey I actually sound decent here, so let's send it to tvn kpop starhunt just for fun. Of course, I never put my face lah, I wanted them to judge without knowing how I look. Ok so there were reasons why I didn't take the whole thing seriously.

#1: I don't want to become a singer. HAHA. I just, LIKE, singing. And a lot.
#2: My video didn't get much views and there were no comments at all and no one even liked/disliked it ROFLMAO
#3: My video.. was like an mp3 HAHA. It was just a picture of the album cover.
#4: The audio sucked AHAH It had my little brother laughing and talking in the background
#5: I actually asked a person who made it through the top 10 for the previous season of this competition if they'd spare my video a watch since the video is actually just of a picture of the album cover. And she said most likely, NO.

So why, might you ask, did I even send in the video? People kept saying that I was a decent singer but mostly they were my close friends so I didn't really believe them to a certain extent. So I wanted to find out if strangers would think the same way, and to find out am I even THAT good to even pass an audition. So yeah, I sent it in.

AND I GOT THROUGH. HAHA. Actually I think its just the top 100? So there's like 99 other people who  are better than me HAHAHAHH.

I don't know whether to laugh because it was really an impromptu thing and my application was so bare and uninteresting or cry because I'm letting such an opportunity to be wasted. The top 10 will actually get sent to Korea for intensive vocal training, dance training, UNDER CUBE ENTERTAINMENT which hosts popular kpop stars like Beast, 4minute, GNA, BTOB. I totally don't care about the training part lah, I never had the slightest thought of being a singer or to sing in public but I'm more sad I can't go Korea and meet the cube artists HAHA. I'm more sorry to those people who auditioned seriously and could have made it through if this one idiot who was never serious in the first place never even applied.

So yeah. This was one hell of an experience HAHA. But I'm very firm with the decision that I will not go to the next round of auditions. I know that some people say that as a girl, I shouldn't be singing and showing off my voice to people who are not my mahram. Some even say that singing is haram. I should be educated enough to not do that. It's just that I REALLY LIKE SINGING. It takes my mind off things. It really makes me happy! But as a hobby ONLY. There is in no way possible that I'm going to audition to become a singer. I just wanted to know if I was good at my hobby HAHA. And because it's like online auditions and I can easily send in my video. That's one of the reasons why I actually sent my video in hahahaha.

This feeling is just like when I won those tickets for singapore idol season 2 finals HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA. It those things where you really need luck to get.

Okay so yeah just wanted to rant about it here. I actually heard someone else who sang the same song as me and auditioned for the same thing and i thought that she did waaay better than me so i wonder if she got through haha.

Anyway, this was such an experience. I don't know what I can learn from it but haha I guess it's more of a memorable experience rather than one that i can actually learn from. What I'm sure of, is that i won't come for the next round of auditions. Full stop. Maybe wanying can pose as me and dance instead. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

I shouldn't think of it much though since it's only top 100 hahahahahahahaha it's nothing man. Oh well. An experience to remember. I'm done with exams and am now lepak-ing to the fullest at home watching dramas. And now I shall continue. Adios. I shall screencap the email the people will send me and post it here hahahahahhahahaa. Ok bye!

Life is hard

Something happened during exams on Tuesday that made me so disappointed in myself and so sad even now. I'm not gonna mention it here but lets just say it was a stupid mistake on my part.

It is affecting me to the point that i have 0 motivation for the following exams and it'll definitely take a toll on my grade. But, for the first time, i don't care. I actually gave up on my goal for this sem. Yes i'm still working hard for my other exams but not as hard as before because i am so emotionally and physically exhausted because of what happened. I am in such a numb state right now that its freaking myself out.

Yes I've put it behind me, I can't do anything else but no, I am still grieving over it. Because grades matter to me a lot. It proves how hard I've worked for it. But to have it spoiled just like that without even making the effort.. It really sucks.

I'm not clever. I just tend to work really hard for things that matter to me.

I guess one of the reasons i made the mistake was because i was tired. I slept at like 3/4 to finish up revision because i went visiting during the day. Its freaking hari raya and i am not sacrificing the visits that we only make yearly. So instead, i sacrificed my sleep which caused dire results because my body is not used to sleeping so late and waking up early. Culture shock? And maybe that's why i was so tired when doing the exam, leading to me making that mistake.

But ah, idk. Its difficult for me to move on because i still need to study for other papers and i have no time to spend for myself, to sort my thoughts out etc.

I'm tired. Exhausted. One of these days i think ill just collapse because my body won't be able to handle all these stress.

I just don't know.

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