Friendship

Assalamualaikum!

It's Monday and as you all know, I have no school on Monday! HEHEHE anyway I'm currently watching an anime which I am trying to pry myself away from at times so I won't finish it too early. Also to train myself to discontinue this unhealthy practice of watching too much anime since school has started and I need to get back to my usual regime of daily revision. I can't seem to find the motivation to revise nowadays since all that's on my mind is an unfinished anime and the dying curiousity to find out what is going to happen.

There's something that I've been meaning to touch on on my blog, which is about friendship. I've been brooding about 'friendship' a lot, ever since Poly started. The transition between Secondary School and Polytechnic/other tertiary education is crucial, as in it's the period where you're bound to lose/gain a lot of old/new friends. I reckon many will have to go through this phase and it's not an easy one.

What do you define friends as? I guess it differs for everyone, ranging from just someone you know, to someone who has known you for, say, the whole of Secondary school. And recently, someone whom you've met through facebook mutual friends.

In my opinion, there's a distinct line between acquaintanceship and friendship. Of course, people whom  you've gotten to know through facebook, and maybe seniors and juniors that you know of but don't really talk to, or just people whom you know and only talk to occasionally are categorized as acquaintances. Friends, on the other hand, I categorize (may I emphasize, "I" as in this is totally my opinion and not some proven facts) as those whom I feel like there's no wall separating me and that person. When the wall is there, you don't feel comfortable yet sharing with the person about your true opinions on things, and still feel somewhat fake when communicating with the person because you feel that the person may judge you or ostracize you if you say what you really want to say. Basically, in front of a friend, you are comfortable to be who you are.

Being a friend has its responsibilities, as crazy as it may seem. You have the responsibility to care for the friend, keep their secrets, support them etc. And this is where issues may arise, when people have too much expectations out of their friends. They expect them to be there for them ALL THE TIME, expect them to notice when they feel down and expect them to be by their side every time they have problems, expect them to support you with your every decision etc.

But the thing is, people, FRIENDS ARE HUMANS TOO. They make mistakes, they're not mind readers who can detect all your negative emotions, they're not your teddy bear that can soothe you every time you're down, they're not your slaves that will come to you every time you call for them, they're not followers who will support your every decision  no matter how right or wrong they are. You can't assume all these things and be upset whenever they are not up to your expectations and accuse them of not being a good enough friend!

Besides their responsibilities as your friend, they have other responsibilities too, to their family, other friends, studies, CCAs, whatever! You can't lock them up in an invisible room claiming them to be yours forever.

Sometimes, you have to give in to your friends, because the bond and friendship that you have with the person is far more important than some meagre problem or fight that you had with the friend. It's a give and take situation. And in the case of having a friend who doesn't support you in your decision, sometimes who have to throw away all the ego and pride that you have to actually analyze what your friend is saying and really take it into consideration. Considering that the person is your friend, they will know what's best for you. So just, for once, open up your heart and mind to LISTEN. Not hear, LISTEN.

And rest be assured, if the person really considers you as a friend, they will do everything in their power for it to remain that way. So don't worry, and TRUST THE FRIEND. If the person is meant to be your friend, then she'll make an effort to stay.

Okay, moving on, there's something else that I want to touch on. I read about it somewhere (slipped my mind, where I read it. Getting old /sigh) that God tells us to love everyone. He did not say to love everyone BUT the non-believers, gangsters, sinners, criminals etc. It doesn't mean that just because they have done a mistake that everyone knows of,  they don't deserve our love and care. As long as they're alive, they still have the opportunity to repent and it's up to us to lead them to the right road. So we cannot judge them and say that we're better than them. By not exposing our wrongdoings, God has given us his mercy. Imagine if everyone knew about ALL your wrongdoings? Those criminals, gangsters are actually LUCKY that their wrongdoings are known to other people, in the sense that they are atoning to their sins while they're still alive, instead of receiving the punishment later in akhirat which will be much worse.

Those words are what that's been motivating me to continue in this line of Social Work actually. Giving others a chance, and helping them. Although sometimes I do wonder to what extent should we offer up our help? To what extent should we trust them but at the same time be cautious? Some things to think about, yeah. Because in the case of my husband leaving me, I don't think I'll give the guy a second chance HAHAHA. Human beings are always scared of getting hurt again. Once bitten, twice shy.

Ahh, thinking deeply about stuff like this is good. Haha definitely beats all those random spazz blog posts right? Hehehehehehe. Proves that I'm not so childish okay, despite still watching animes and all.

Wrecking my brain for anything else that I want to touch on..... But nothing comes up. I guess this marks the end of this post. I shall go looking for blogskins that have bigger fonts. Even for me, it's painful to read my own blog haha the font is tiny! And I'm already blind enough as it is.

Alright, bye bye! Ciao!

Assalamualikum!

Currently in Johor, spending the weekend here. And as usual, locking myself up inside the room because I love my room and the privacy in here haha! Slept late last night finishing off an anime, Ghost Hunt! All 25 episodes in one day, whoa. I'm amazed at myself too!

To be honest, I have absolutely no idea about what to update you all about. Maybe about myself? LOLOL /narcissistic much! XD

Ok well for one, I have to admit I'm quite hardworking! I'm the sort of person who does her best at everything she does, even if she hates it. For example, GSM! I took cyber awareness and finance last semester and well, I'm not very.. fond of both. But nonetheless, I still forced myself to give a 100% in the exams and really gave a 100% effort in doing up the assignments. It was all worth it since in the end, I got As for both :D Even though those grades didn't really contribute to my GPA but nonetheless, it made my report slip pretty!

And like I mentioned before in previous posts, I have a very short temper, I do a good job in balancing my responsibilities and entertainment (which I take pride in hehe), I love to watch anime (which is sort of unusual for a girl but who cares I still love it!), I like kpop (to a fair extent), I like to watch shows related to supernatural stuff, I like to read, I like strawberries and the color pink, I love fried chicken... Hmmm I'm getting off track haha!

Ah like I said, I have no idea what to write about so I'll end here! Tomorrow is no school day so I'm planning to go parkway parade to buy Atika's present and drop it off at her house haha and also return some books... Alrighty shall pack up, will be leaving johor tonight. Bye bye!

Back to school!

Assalamualaikum! Yes I am back for an update!

School has started and it's been 2 days since! Today was the 2nd day since school officially started and today also marks our 1st anniversary together as a class and ALSO was Atika's birthday! The previous day I went to Tampines Mall to shop for her present but Mini toons was closed for a renovation so I told her I'd give her present later when I can find the time to go to another outlet. Planning to go Parkway Parade on Monday to visit the store there.

I've been going to school like an hour early to avoid sardine-ing myself into buses but even if I went out an hour earlier I still have to kiasu =_= But nevermind, I like long bus rides. In Year 2, we don't really have the freedom to lepak in the classroom like we used to in Year 1 but oh well.

Yesterday night, I was shocked with the news that we had to register for our GSM on that night at 11pm so I informed everyone and we all (as usual) kiasu-ed and planned which GSM to choose etc on facebook chat! It's like a tradition every semester haha! So I ended up with Sign Language (even though I really wanted Cultural Beliefs) but I guess it's better than the rest. Ninja skills still need to be polished hehe!

I've found out something about myself recently! I don't know how to react in serious situations (that don't include me). For example, friends fighting, friends sad and having personal problems. Whenever I see such things happening, I have this habit of ignoring it. I feel the need to do something about it but idk, my mind just turns blank and I have no idea how to react! I want to help, I really do but I keep getting stunned. I think it's like a trauma from always getting scolded when I was a kid so I keep stoning whenever I see such situations.. /sigh

Ah I shall continue reading beneficial books to improve myself. No more novels for the time being. I have a whole stack of books to be read before I let myself start on reading novels again. I feel that there's still so much to learn, so much ways I have to improve myself and push my limits. I'm still set on improving myself academically too. I need to work even harder than last sem (even though I feel like I really worked my hardest last sem, leading me to think that this is the extent that my brain can take haha) and get better grades, so even though there are modules this sem that I feel are potential boring sessions, I will push myself to work hard for them and learn to love the modules.

But of course, I will push myself academically and at the same time involve myself in self-care! I've always had a knack for balancing my school-entertainment life! I know exactly how much to study so that I won't over-exert myself and I know exactly how much of entertainment I should engulf myself in so I won't be too addicted. Ah, the perks of being a Libran! Not that I believe in horoscopes but I just find that the concept of "balance" really fits well with my personality and I'm good at it haha!

Ah okay didn't really update much today, as in, write a good meaningful post but I'm sort of hungry and I want to eat haha so I shall update with a meaningful post some other time! Sleep tight everyone~ Bye!

Baby steps

Assalamualaikum.

Finally have some time to blog properly :D Went out just now to send Amin and his friend back to KL after the short visit. Didn't even get to talk to Amin properly bcos I was too lazy to put on tudung and go out since his friend was there. Nvm, there's facebook and whatsapp!

Anyway, as an effort to improve myself, I've been borrowing these educational books that I found in Tampines Library. I swear, that library has tons of awesome books that sometimes I just feel like spending the whole day there to read. But there's no musollah there and the nearest one is in Tampines Mall which.. I have to walk quite far so nevermind then, maybe when I'm ABC (Allah Bagi Cuti < I got that from a book hehe)

Baby steps, that's what I've been telling myself. I've been studiously reading articles at iluvislam.com and sometimes.. okay I can't remember what the English word is for it but- aku rasa terkilan. They keep saying how Allah should be out entertainment when bored, and we should spend that time not with facebook-ing, tweet-ing etc. BUT I'M NOT READY FOR THAT YET. My free time is mostly spent listening to music especially which I think, I still have a long way to go before letting go of it. Which made me conclude that I'm still attached to this world, this temporary world. Which I'm not supposed to be. But I'm not ready to let it go yet so I'm like super torn right now!

Alhamdulillah, my efforts have been going well so far, since I have a lot of time because it's holidays. But I AM SUPER WORRIED WHEN SCHOOL REOPENS. In school there's no sense of emergency for me to pray immediately, so many things that keeps me distracted from remembering Allah, so many distractions which I myself felt when I came back to school to plan the juniors' orientation. I keep forgetting my boundaries. I keep wanting to get involved. I keep wanting to fit in. This is really a huge problem for me, studying in a public school. I do all those things and at the end of the day when I look back, I feel so guilty but there's nothing that pulls me back to realize what I'm doing at that time. If anyone has any solutions for me, please do tell.

There's still so much that I'm learning and I'm really trying hard. I don't want to stray from this path, not now not ever. But I don't blame the course or the school etc because this course has really changed me for the better, learning about people and how to give back to the community. I brought up my concerns about this course before to my parents, how I wanted something more religion oriented and suggested going to UIA after this but they assured me that what I'm doing right now is already sufficient and giving back to the community will reward me in many ways.

Anyway one of the changes that I've gone through after studying here is, LESS CURSING. My mouth was a shotgun of curses and mind you, not light ones either. I think it's mostly because majority of my friends here don't curse much so I've gotten used to it and I cringe now when I hear someone curse or I myself let one slip. I should keep in mind not to watch dramas often because dramas make the curses come back, and not just a few either. Those hair tugging scenes, argh.

So, yes anonymous (referring to the person who commented on my tagboard), Syukran for your advice, the cursing part was the first step, now the next step is to use better language that will remind me of Allah whenever I speak, and do it without feeling awkward. Which I am still puzzled about how to speak whenever I'm in front of my non-Muslim friends, since they won't understand what I'm talking about haha! And to say it so nonchalantly such that no one will notice when before the way I speak was quite harsh, especially with close friends.

Something that I've learnt while in this course is that what you say, can really affect the receiver. No matter how much you think it's such a little matter, for example calling someone "idiot", it can really affect the other end without you noticing. And it can affect them so much to the point that it will also affect their self-esteem so you have to be super careful when you speak. Especially if you are someone the person holds dear to his/her heart. They usually take your comments to heart, so don't disappoint them ;D

Another thing that I'm working on, is how to be braver. I am actually quite scared, of going up front to talk, to participate, to voice out my opinions. Why? I don't like it when I'm not prepared. I'm not scared during presentations because I know that I've prepared for it beforehand but for things like impromptu talking, participating, I try super hard to avoid it. Simply because I know I'm not prepared and I know that I'll mess up. I want to be like those people who can lead others, and are brave in whatever they do despite the fact that they will make mistakes. Those people really have this charisma that I adore and aspire to have. But I really don't know how either so haha yeah.

It's really frustrating how I'm applying to volunteer at so many places but none of them are replying to me >:( I really want to use volunteering as an outlet for me to be thankful for what I have. But the opportunities so far are zilch. I'm not considering those volunteering CCAs in school or the Muslim society because, there's one thing that since before that I am very particular about which is Ikhtilat. I don't like it when events are held with both boys and girls. That's why I will never join those youth groups at mosques. Actually, it's okay if they're held together but when they are grouped together to do something, ah that's something I really really don't like. I think it's just the after-effect of being in a girls' school for so long but yeah, I prefer my own kind thank you very much haha. Of course, classmates are exempted because we have to, but extra-curricular, something that I have the ability to choose to attend, no thank you.

And now you know the reason why I have such little guy friends haha! No wait, I mentioned it before in the previous posts. Haha! Doa je lah aku akan dapat jodoh satu hari nanti lah ye :p

Oh oh and another thing that I want to raise up here before I go have dinner and end this post! I like to do my prayers etc, ALONE. As in ngaji alone in an empty room, pray in an empty room (unless I do jamaah prayers lah, not that I don't like praying as jamaah, it's just that when I pray alone, I really like to do it alone.), doa in an empty room etc. No distractions, nothing. That's why I like going to the Johor house, I have my privacy there. But here in Singapore, rarely ever do I have privacy considering the number of people living under one household. It makes me really distracted! Okay that's just my opinion hehe.

Alright off to eat dinner, maybe read a bit and go to sleep. Till I blog again!

IMG!!

Assalamualaikum!

In a good mood today! Finished watching Rooftop Prince until the 6th episode where it stopped. Can't stop repeating how good looking Yoochun is, ahh.

Anyway, yesterday was INTERMADRASAH GAMES! Me and my sister came from Johor and had to wake up before Subuh to get ready =_= Overall it WAS SUPER FUN my voice is all croaky now but it was all so worth it! I MET MY LOVELY FRIENDS WHOM I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR SO LONG and of course my teachers etc. Pity it was separated from the guys, could have met the other male teachers. But I did get to see Mr Muneer and Mr Esmadi so that's okay I guess.

BUT OMG IT WAS SO FUN! Yelling and screaming and jumping and gossiping. But the best part was of course meeting old friends! Especially Aminah and Farah whom I haven't seen for almost a year since I left MWTI. Hugged them so tight! In a second, that familiar feeling came back! That togetherness and comfortableness that I used to feel while in Irsyad.

Had a few laughs with Ustazah Rohana lolol she's hilarious, she was trying to say freshman orientation but she was like "Eh.. Ape tu.. Refreshment? Refresh? Alah, tu, refreshment orientation ke ape tu..." DAMN FUNNY RIGHT HAHA!

Overall, it was one awesome day. Left early though cos Abah picked us up. Nyeh.

Okay okay this will just be a short post, gotta go! BYE!

Exercise!!

Assalamualaikum!

Hello people! I've got nothing else to do so I'm updating~ Was supposed to watch Dhania's sister perform at wdlds library but it turns out she wasn't performing today so the whole thing was cancelled.

Ytd me and a bunch of friends went cycling at ECP and it was really awesome! Half of the time was spent laughing at how Mike totally failed in rollerblading haha! It was a beautiful day out, perfect for cycling since the sun wasn't too glaring (there was barely any direct sunlight for the first hour or so) and wind was so cooling, so unlike Singapore! But after a while, the Sun came back but it wasn't that hot compared to other days. So yeap it was a fun day and we went shopping and rested at Parkway Parade after that after meeting up with Nadiah. Lunch was at this hawker centre which served AWESOME FOOD, and I as usual, am on a mission to try out every Mee Goreng Mamak in Singapore so I tried it out. It was nice, but it wasn't spicy so there was no kick to it :( On the other hand, HK's Mee Soto was so spicy I choked on it omg. And and the Strawberry Juice they served there was awesome!

Overall, the day was fun but really very tiring! Thank goodness today's plans were cancelled bcos my thighs are aching now. But I really wanted to go to the library and check out the novels there and return my books but oh well. I shall go tmr.

Tmr, I have a date with Nazihah and Aliah to downtown east to eat sushi! Was craving sushi man! I think I shall stop by Tampines Mall to find an organizer there and also find a friend's birthday present. I was thinking of buying her a huge teddy bear but then I'll have to bring the thing to school BY BUS and it'll be so embarrassing especially if class starts at 9 on that day and i have to sardine myself into the bus =_= So idk!

Spent the day watching Rooftop Prince with Yoochun in it and I have to say, I'm impressed! His acting really improved and the show had me laughing my ass off xD Classic "People from the past comes to the future and discovers technology" moments! And Han Jimin is gorgeous!

OH OH I FORGOT! On the way back home from Parkway Parade with Khai, I SAW THIS HOT GUY omg made my tiredness go away! Hahahaha I pointed him out to Khai and he agreed with me that the guy was goodlooking but he said the way he yawned was ugly, well, no one yawns prettily okay maybe except Eric haha omg ERIC MOOOOONNN I LOVEEE YOUUUUUU /fangirl moment

Okay okay back to business..... Which is nothing in particular haha I keep craving the strawberry juice there lalala it's so yummy and it's PURE strawberry juice okay, no syrup at all!

Okay then gonna end this post since I have no idea what else to write about.. Juniors orientation next week, hopefully we'll do fine! Ganbatte ne! Yosh!