032; 1-10

HELLO PEOPLE!

Today is a wednesday! Meaning I get a ride from Umi to school! Jajajaja yes we caught up with each other, story2 otw to school as usual and also as usual i had to walk all the way from the engineering building to health sciences building OTL

Met Hamizah Lynn Aaron Wenyang in front of the lecture theatre, and waited for the rest (yes our class still tight knit, reccess all together). But they were late so we tapped first and eventually went in. Sociology class! 50% stare off into space and 50% concentrate hehe too early, very very very sleepy. Ended early, like 20 minutes and Kenji wanted to eat so we went to canteen ah but only Kenji and Michael ate. After that, to class for ethics!

I have to say, I LOVE THIS MODULE. All about our values and ethics on certain topics like abortion, pre-marital sex etc and today's lesson was fun! We had to stand in a line according to our heights (& omg i was one of the shortest skhbfskjhfb) and Jocelyn will flash some statements on the board, and if we think it's right, or acceptable we have to step to the right and if we think its wrong we have to step to the left.

Among the statements were stuff like "A couple, both 18 years old, having sex" "Couple kissing in public". THE MOST HILARIOUS ONE I CANNOT TAKE IT "Elderly couple having sex in nursing home" SERIOUSLY OUR DEBATE WAS LIKE NC 16. Among the comments "If they married then can ah" "But nursing home still public place what" "If they don't make sound?" "Eyy impossible ah" "Eh later heart attack how? Too vigorous" "But they old what, confirm they do gentle one"

Aku dah seriously kat situ da ketawa danak nanges klaka sgt! But the activity was really fun ah.

After that we were divided into 2 groups for counselling module. After reccess ah. Played a lot of angry birds haha! WENTING PRO!! Anyway, I was in Jocelyn's class. It was autobiography time! Unfortunately I can't story here, everything is confidential but it was a really heartwarming session ah, cry2 and all.. But we were out of time so 4 of us including me, postponed to next week.

Oh yes i forgot! After lunch! WE HAD A PHOTOSHOOT HAHA as usual thats what we do almost everyday just take siao pictures. Anyway Kenji started off the photoshoot. The rule was to pose with showing numbers 1-10, and making the pictures look super gay. First off was Kenji haahhaha really ah hilarious ttm. Then after kenji finished Khairul suddenly came in so we sabo-ed him and immediately he started posing hahahahahahha ni btol2nye gay poses seh. Next was Michael, at first he didnt want ah, then kenji force him go do so eventually he gave up ahahhha! All the pictures are at my fb if anyone is interested. Yes the back of my class has a lepak corner where most of counselling sessions happen at. Then after that Jocelyn came in already so cannot continue xD

But after the sharing session i felt really... bonded with them ah. Very enlightening experience, just pity I didn't get to listen to the other half of the class' stories, especially the quiet ones.. Oh well. I wonder how Jim attacked them.

Tomorrow.... Got what ah? Library tour -___- and Kenji and I booked badminton court for the class to play tomorrow~ So more class bonding! JAJAJAJA SUPERSTAR1101 FTW.

FRIDAY THE MOST EPIC TIMETABLE EVER. For this week's anyway. Jocelyn had to postpone our class this Friday cos the childcare was closed. SO FOR FRIDAY = ONLY 1 HOUR OF CLASS. I KNOW OMG I LIVE IN PASIR RIS, THEN COME TO SCHOOL FOR ONE HOUR THEN GO HOME? SO SIAN AH OMG. NO MERCY. They want to ask Jim to cancel Friday's class totally ahahahha but confirm cannot ah.. We've been missing a lot of classes bcos of public holidays, some more this weekend is going to be really long with monday being a public holiday and tuesday being a no-school day. So yeah. Gonna spend my time at the library I think.

Alright then. I think I've officially become the class' photographer even though i'm actually under IT&Comm. Whatever ah I dont mind bringing the camera and fb so far has been kind enough to let me upload all those pictures.

Alright then, life story over, I'm a bit tired today idk why .__. Have a good day everyone! I get very happy in the morning after reading dongho/soohyun's good morning tweets xD Like really happy.

Anyway. SAYONARAAAAA~

031; classes!

I need to change my blogskin. The paragraphs never come out :(

Anyway today! Camwhore day! Our first lecturer didn't come and the relief lecturer only taught us for one hour instead of 2, so we had a 3 hour break before tutorial! IKR MY COURSE FOREVER SLACK.

About 3/4 of us went to Grassroots club to eat at naked fish shoppe (SO VULGAR) and we ended up spending most of our break there, talking, camwhoring etc. Most of the pictures are on my fb! The $5 student meal was not bad, we got what we paid for basically ;P Especially Kenji's -no ice- lemon tea roflmao /cheated/

After that we went back to nyp, visit to the south canteen for ice cream! FUSHO SOUTH CANTEEN = ENGINEERING BUILDINGS= PEOPLE FROM ENGINEERING COURSES= GUYS= SHUAIGE /drool/ JAJAJAJAJAJAJA

Then eventually, we went to our classroom, bothered the seniors for a bit cos we really ran out of things to do already, and lecture began.. After lecture we took class photo!

Kenji and his liverpool and khai modelling.

Khai's gay pose. You guys should've seen him modelling.

Alright thats all, most of the pictures in my fb~ Gonna spazz about woojung couple now! JAJAJAJAAJ BANJI = JANGWOO FTW

030; orientation

HI! (^__^)/~ Today was my orientation! So in the morning I went over to a bus stop near Mak Long's house and waited for Kak Fizah~ Her husband sent us to school hehehe. Along with her friend. So bla3, got separated to our courses and sat beside this girl. She was talking to the girl beside her so I didn't want to interrupt lah. Then got this indian malaysian girl. When I ask she said she was in nursing. So eventually she went lah, so this guy sat beside me. Nice guy. Something else to be revealed later on hehe. So eventually made friends with the girl beside me and 2 other girls, Nicole, Madeline and Atikah. Also saw the girl who I wished good luck to during the NCSS interview. I never ask for the guy's name but we still talk2 ah. Then idk how lah me madeline nicole talk a lot, discuss etc etc. The performances were ok, but i was particularly tickled by the fashion show xD 8 people selected by the seniors to do a fashion show, with random things, and one of the guys chosen was from our course, Michael. Tall. Also nice guy. I got into the same group as him later on during the games. So bla3, a lot of talking with the new friends ah. Then went to tutorial room. Got eat, discuss, laugh, intro, get timetable etc. So here we got to know the guy beside me was a Japanese, Kenji. Nyahahahaha. Then our mentor said time intro have to say what you like to eat, after finish, then he explained lah why he asked for favourite food. He said he likes to meet us one on one and blanja us and talk to us. I go say I like koko crunch with milk. Then everyone laughed. Koko crunch is no joke man, I can finish a whole box in a day if got milk. Then otw back to sports hall I talk to Hamizah, the girl i met at ncss. Nice nice cute girl haha but we got separated again according to the coloured bands we got. Back to Nicole Madeline haha and Winsome and Michael and some others. Oh and the girl i met at SATA! Wah fate sia same group as her. The games were jsdbfkuhsfbuhfsdnjf and kak fizah called me during the first game to say she cabot already so I join ah. Cos I think got dance after that and the other programs were just irrelevant and everybody looked sian already. Overall I give today a 7.5/10? I like the making new friends part. School starting already on Monday and we have yet another "orientation" for the SS students organized by the seniors. I think confirm got wet games cos they say to bring extra clothes. Later I ask ishak if i got any questions ah. But the program 2-8 seh confirm by then I dead already I think I'll take taxi or sth. Before that got lecture some more. Naseb start kol 11 but i have to come earlier to settle some stuff. & Idk how or why or what happened that made me sick rn. Suddenly sia. I think i become vulnerable to the flu whenever I'm tired. Timetable! Tuesday no school HEHEHEHE. Monday quite relaxed. Wednesday really chiong ah schedule damn full. Thursday balek cepat! Friday not bad. Wednesday ah FUSHOOO MAN IDEK WHEN RECESS. need to eat before the day starts if not confirm faint. This post has too much singlish feel. Talking singlish the whole day ah, really affects how you think also. Oh & i got accepted for scholarship! Idk from which company and after the briefing about scholarships i got scared cos the money that we have to pay back if we decide to quit halfway.. Whoa. Tros mcm reluctant. Okay thats it im in too much pain gonna sleep even though its 9pm shjdbfjsdhfb who cares. BYEYBYEEE.

029; mischief managed

Hai. In a neutral mood today. Losing something, especially something that i bought with my hard-earned money, really pisses me off. I have a feeling of the person who took it. In the beginning i was all calm about it because i know it'd show up soon but morning came and the person still hasn't fessed up yet so yes i got so pissed. Kalau nak tipu, tengok tempat lah ye? You don't know how meaningful that item was for me. I know I put it in my drawer and after you came back, it was gone and the next moment, you asked to borrow it when you very well know you took it. So this morning was my revenge for you. I'm not stupid. I have a perfectly good memory. I may not be naturally clever but I worked exceptionally hard to get to where I am right now. Next topic. Everyone is going through their orientation! HBFSHJKSHFBSF I CAN'T WAIT FOR MINE. Y MAI ORIENTATION SO LATE NIA. I want to meet my course mates~ I guess I'm used to making friends. From maarif to irsyad to jc to mwti to fan gatherings to concerts hehe. Yesterday, I went out with Jana to shop. Where else other than Bugis. But first we ate at eighteenchef. WHBDJHSBDI JAJAJAJAJA AWESOME FOOD, 2 hours after eating there I was craving for the same thing OTL. Gonna go there again. Soon. If I end school early. HAHAHA. So first we headed to buy the 3 for $5 accessories, the bugis tradition! Confirm if go bugis must head there first! Then walked aimlessly looking for nice stuff. We went to iluma too but the place held too many memories of us pathetically looking for jobs and the memories were hilarious xD Went home after that. I was supposed to pick up my student card on that day but I didn't even know (mainly because i didn't read the enrollment guide properly OTL) and didn't came prepared with the necessary documents so I didn't go. I slept at 5am ytd (or today) so that I could finish reading a fic. Its been so long since I read one! So now my eyes are very swollen. jnzfjsnjf.hjsdbfkjhdsbjds. I woke up to a phone-less bed so of course Nazhir took it and found out that he spammed Jana and Aliah's inboxes and took lots of crappy idk what pictures -____- What he spammed Aliah with, violent lagi! HAHAHA. Klaka lah. Lps tu die ter-on my aircon abeh terkejot sendiri. Cute lah. He didn't piggyback ride us ytd though, so that was an improvement! Alright then. Off reading again. Sayonara!

028; jeepers

Yo. Yo yo yo~~! It's a Monday! & What does it mean? Yes? Yes? Monday! BLUEEESSSSS. Orientation is this friday and I'm feeling neutral about it. I'm worried about the over-exposure of legs truthfully, confirm double confirm plus chop 98% of girls will be wearing shorts and everyone knows a woman's aurat is from her belly to her thighs. Yeah. Hope I'll make good friends there anyway. Another thing confirm is that my orientation got hundreds of people. Mainly because its mixed with the nursing students and the nursing course's intake are o___o So yeah. Bismillah. Idk what else to do at home besides dramas. I gave up on secret garden because the video hosting sites were being dsnkfjnsidjfn again and it wont load the whole video. So i resorted to episode summaries. WITH pictures >:D Still made me spazz though hehe. Idk what sort of personality should I present to a new school. Quiet? Siao? Loner? Straightforward? Jajajajaja whatever too tired to think about this. I pray that throughout these 3 years I will still be a good muslimah and stick to my principles no matter how bad peer pressure kicks in. Amin. Alright back to drama. 18chefs tomorrow!

-

I know who I am in your hearts.. It's not that much but still I'm thankful. 11 years passed and I've yet to find my true friend. Not that I don't regard you all as my true friends but all you guys have this one friend that you share everything and anything with, no secrets at all. The first person that you'll ask for advice, the first person you tell about your day, the first person, friend, for everything. Unfortunately I have yet to find that person. Until then, I'll keep it all to myself. I've been trying to forge that kind of relationship with lots of people but in the end I'm still the third wheel. That's why I open up easily to people but I don't get the same response.. Kind of depressing isn't it?

2 more days. Let's just get it over with. I'm tired of keeping up a happy face. I'm tired of everything.

027; saturday

Today is saturday. Working day. I felt a little moody today.



Just kept doing my job quietly, sometimes joining in the fun, sometimes laughing, sometimes complaining, sometimes wanting to kill people..



Today I felt like killing One Less Lonely Girl because of the unfairness. Idk why. I hate being moody. Maybe because we were short-handed today with a lot of people not coming just now. But I just sang the moodiness off as usual. Singing really makes my mind blank. So it sort of cures the hectic mess in my mind temporarily.



School is starting in a few weeks, idrk how to react. How to make friends, who to make friends with, how to act, how to not act, etc. Honestly I think prayers are the only time when my heart's at ease lately. With work, I don't really get to spend time with my family.. Especially on Saturdays when they go out without me, like today :( I came back home to a mini trampoline and a race track. Now guess whose room those toys are stuffed in? Mine? BINGO. Dad has decided to make my room into a playroom OTL I knew this would happen ;__;



The one week before school reopens, I will spend an hour everyday jogging, seriously. Every day I've been eating sotong ball for breakfast, the Old Chang Kee auntie always remembers me and prepares sotong ball first.



I feel lonely. Left out. I know I have all these friends but they don't.. NEED ME. Like, life would go on like normal without me. They don't need me to go to for their problems, or just share gossip, or ask me out for an outing.. I'm basically useless in their lives, I don't provide them humour or advice or anything just cusses and cusses and endless cusses. I usually just like to listen to whatever you're saying. I'm not the first or second or third person they think of when they want to go out, or when something good/bad happens to them, I'm not the first few people they choose to inform, when they're bored I'm not the first few people that they will disturb. & Trust me, all these facts are true because I've witnessed it myself. I've been feeling like this for a long time now, idk if its irrational or I just expected too much out of 3/2 year friendships. I just feel really pathetic rn. I treasure my friendship with all of you so much but there's just this wall that I can't break through to all of you. Mainly because I've only known you all for like, 3, 2 years and I guess you don't feel comfortable enough to share anything with me? Huh. I've been trying so hard to fit in throughout these 3 years.



It's been heartwrenchingly painful, truly an emotional rollercoaster. & sometimes its too overwhelming, so don't mind the emo-ing. & because I'm trying too hard thats why sometimes I might pass off as bitchy/flirty/etc so I apologise if I have ever pissed you guys off. I think I care about impressions too much. Minus 10 points to me then.



With poly starting, I feel like it's back to square one, having to make friends again, trying to fit in again, now the more difficult with people of different races and religions. Let's just hope I'll make it through without any emotional breakdowns. Those moments are the most painful, by far. It's the kind of pain that no matter what you do, scream, shout, poo, you can't get rid of it and it will keep haunting you.



Argh. I just don't take emotional problems well. At all. How the hell do I become a social worker. Ok wait, I don't really have any intention of being one. If I do get the scholarship, I don't feel like accepting it because I don't feel.. ikhlas towards it. My interest in social work is not.. ikhlas (no, i can't find a suitable English word for it). If I can't keep in control of my emotions, how do I help people control theirs? I love to just, listen, study, memorise. Not handle people. I doa that my poly years will be smooth sailing without me being fickle and doubtful again like now.



I should've just picked biotech. Pft. The worst thing that can happen is me not being satisfied with social work, and go into poly again to take a more general course. Stupid TP never even give me the enrollment package even though i got accepted into Law&Managament and now after the due date to accept, it wrote there as declined or something automatically. Sucks right? I don't really have a backup plan besides studying psychology, and now that everything I've been working so hard for backfired, I'm at a lost. At first I felt demotivated. I really wanted to study psychology and no matter how much that social worker tried to deter me away from psychology, no one can pry me away from it. But now I just feel like forcing myself to just do it and don't make things hard for my parents. I've caused them enough trouble already and I cannot do that anymore especially with Nazhir's condition rn.



3 more days left for work, and the timing has changed from 0830-0700 to 0830-0500! Alhamdulillah! More time to rest! I can also start exercising properly! Alhamdulillah. Alright then, it's almost 3am already. It's been a long time since I wrote a proper blog post. I think I need a psychiatrist to just listen to my crap and advise me. Anyone knows how much it costs?



Okay then. Lail sa'eed. Sayonara.