Something happened during exams on Tuesday that made me so disappointed in myself and so sad even now. I'm not gonna mention it here but lets just say it was a stupid mistake on my part.
It is affecting me to the point that i have 0 motivation for the following exams and it'll definitely take a toll on my grade. But, for the first time, i don't care. I actually gave up on my goal for this sem. Yes i'm still working hard for my other exams but not as hard as before because i am so emotionally and physically exhausted because of what happened. I am in such a numb state right now that its freaking myself out.
Yes I've put it behind me, I can't do anything else but no, I am still grieving over it. Because grades matter to me a lot. It proves how hard I've worked for it. But to have it spoiled just like that without even making the effort.. It really sucks.
I'm not clever. I just tend to work really hard for things that matter to me.
I guess one of the reasons i made the mistake was because i was tired. I slept at like 3/4 to finish up revision because i went visiting during the day. Its freaking hari raya and i am not sacrificing the visits that we only make yearly. So instead, i sacrificed my sleep which caused dire results because my body is not used to sleeping so late and waking up early. Culture shock? And maybe that's why i was so tired when doing the exam, leading to me making that mistake.
But ah, idk. Its difficult for me to move on because i still need to study for other papers and i have no time to spend for myself, to sort my thoughts out etc.
I'm tired. Exhausted. One of these days i think ill just collapse because my body won't be able to handle all these stress.
I just don't know.
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