I am someone who is very particular to detail and I hate being unprepared. Thus, I prepare for exams 2~3 months early, I have a whole week planned before the week even starts etc.
And those who know me well will know this certain trait about me. Even my parents will try to avoid changing plans as much as possible because they know how I will react to it, and trust me, my reaction is not good. They will even really cautiously tell me about the change of plans if they're forced to and give me the option of going through with the plan or not.
So, when I got to know that the bus ride to Genting was pushed up to 6am, boy, I WAS PISSED BEYOND BELIEF. It was hard enough for me to arrange for my transportation when the timing was at 0615, and now they made it 15 mins earlier. And those 15 minutes is the world to me considering that I FUCKING LIVE IN PASIR RIS. And imagine my reaction when we were informed of this the NIGHT BEFORE?
No good thing will happen when I'm pissed, trust me. I am now so pissed to the point that I'm trying really hard not to tear up because I can't really do anything. My heart is so heavy right now. I haven't cursed since I started Poly okay, and I've been trying to manage my anger but knowing that none of this was our fault and this whole thing is entirely because of the other party's lack of consideration, curses are just popping out. This just really spoiled my day.
And okay. I failed. Crying.
What the fuck is so hard for you to plan and take traffic jams etc into consideration BEFORE you actually tell us what time we should be meeting? This is just a case of irresponsibility. And fucking pure inconsideration.
Kalau tuka plan, tak menyusahkan orang tu tkpe ah, aku boleh tutup sebelah mata, ni aku da rancang sume bende, malam sblm berangkat baru ckp tuka plan. Tak ke ni menyusahkan orang?
Is my anger and frustration justified? Or are there any objections that anyone wants to raise?
I thought about it well, about how plans always change, you can never know what will happen etc but the reason given was clearly to avoid traffic jam. Such a reason can and should be taken into consideration way before the time to meet was actually set so no problems will arise. So. What's so difficult about planning?
If you've worked in a group with me, you'll know that from day 1, I prepare everything down to the last full stop and I won't sit still unless I've devised a plan, thought through with it, think up of possible setbacks etc. I hate not being prepared.
And most of all, I hate being angry. I am one who does not control her anger well. I have hurt myself before because I was so angry, I threw things, I kicked people, I punched people, all because I was angry. It took me my teenage years to learn how to be patient and I managed to control it a bit, just the doing things part. But I still get breathless when I'm angry, I still have self-harm intentions, I still have a very sharp tongue, I still get so mad to the point that I will cry because I can't take the pressure. So right now, it's really a difficult time for me. I really admit that I can't handle my anger well. So not many things right now can make me angry, but this... my heart is just so heavy with anger.
Argh I really don't know what else to say. I'll just shampoo my hair, ambek wudu, pray and sleep for now.
Assalamualaikum
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