Gosh a lot has changed since the last post. But isn't that the norm, I always come here when I have something on my mind.
Well, firstly let me break the news:
I GOT INTO NUS!
Trust me, it was a huge ass surprise for me too! I applied without any expectations at all since I got rejected last year. But in mid-april, I got a call from them informing me that I was selected for an interview for their Discretionary Admissions.
And me being me, I went to the interview without even preparing myself besides preparing my portfolio of course. No rehearsing why I chose Social Work etc and just went there to be myself and wing it. AND THAT'S WHAT I DID HAHA! From the moment I stepped into the waiting room (lol i was exactly on time, almost late even /deja vu ncss interview) I made a huge fool of myself cos I couldn't open the door HAHAHA and then I sat with the rest of the interviewees and chatted with them and ate the refreshments they gave (dude.. free food at 8.50am in the morning, who wouldn't) and waited until we were called up.
So there were 2 parts to the interview, the first being an individual interview where the panel will ask you about some of your achievements based on the short writeup that we submitted during the application. I think I sort of messed up this one, I don't know if I was even answering the questions asked. They asked mostly about the certificate course that I was taking in Islamic Psychology and Counseling.
I think I did better in the group interview, where one of the panelists threw out a topic and we had to discuss it. The topic was poverty and I just threw out some of my thoughts about client self determination and the poverty cycle (aiseeehhhhbedah!! HAHAHA).
But yeah, that was it! I had lots of fun chatting with the others and thought that hey, it's totally okay if I don't get it, I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities out there for me. But secretly I was quite anxious and kept checking the website everyday and monitoring the responses on this forum.
So fast forward to a few weeks later when I was at SSI attending the CSWP course. It was a Friday and I was doing my daily check of the website and found that my application changed from "Processing" to "Application has been processed" and I absolutely PANICKED roflmao. It didn't state the outcome so I was even more panicky haha but based on some other people's experiences, it will take a few hours for it to change so I checked every other hour haha but I gave up before I slept and decided to wait until morning.
So apparently I couldn't wait until morning so when I woke up in the middle of the night I checked it AND I GOT IN HAHA. The thing was that for the past few days, I kept having dreams that I got in and woke up being so devastated because it wasn't true so I was quite skeptical by then HAHAHA. So I screencapped it and decided to sleep again and check in the morning if the screencap was still there HAHAHAHAHA like legit, I was that doubtful of myself.
So yeah, I woke up and it was still there! Sleepily went out to inform my parents and they were ecstatic for me haha
I AM happy of course, a bit confused, a little bit of denial here and there but the most outstanding emotion of all is anxious of the impending change haha. I've mentioned numerous times that I am horrified of change, super uncomfortable with it. Being accepted means:
1) I HAVE TO QUIT MY JOB T_T I'm super sad for this one, definitely. Love my colleagues, love the work that I'm doing. How can I quit T_T No more income T_T
2) Making new friends. Gosh, I have so many stereotypes about NUS and the people there and I have to admit I am quite intimidated by them.
And so many other minor implications gah
Went for the FASS open house with Hamz and Khai and met one of the panelists at the Social Work booth. AND HE RECOGNIZED ME HAHA! I didn't even notice him and he was the one who went up to me and was like hey, I remember you and I was like.. okay you look familiar. And he told me that he was one of the panelists and I got so excited like gosh aww you remembered me!! Did I make that much of an impact HAHAHA but I am secretly very very pleased that he remembered me hehe
But all in all, yeah, waiting for school to start and preparing to close and/or transfer my cases and work so I will be super busy for the next few weeks.
So now, the real reason why I am here.
I was really upset yesterday because someone undermined my efforts in doing something. And I hate it. It was just one mistake that I wasn't even aware of. And I was cranky, falling sick, sleepy and she just had to scold me about it and even saying that she shouldn't have asked for my help if I wasn't going to do it properly. Gosh, I was bloody furious.
Eh please lah you know that we are all not used to doing housework. But at least we are trying! We ask for help! We try it out! It was YOUR decision not to take a maid anymore. YOU should be prepared for mistakes. Hell, even you yourself admitted to not being good at cooking. And that applies only to yourself is it? WE can't make mistakes? Just one bloody mistake and you say that. Gosh I am still so upset.
i swear to you I live through life, do everything on the basis of building up my self worth. I do everything diligently because it gives me a sense of worth. Growing up and hearing lots of "You're useless" "You can never do anything right" really messes up your whole childhood. And just one sentence, it just destroys what you've been trying to build up all these while. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? When you try so hard to get affirmation but instead get something like this instead?
It's been a while since I broke down but I did yesterday. Usually when this happens I will usually cry to my nenek. But she's not here anymore. One of my friends once said that I'm the type to keep everything, every worry every emotion to myself and she's right- I don't want to be a bother to other people. It's such a minor thing. Why even bother.
I thought I would get over it after sleeping it off but hah there's no difference. It's really been a while since I've been this down. It's times like these that makes me want to get out of the house and just spend time by myself, I cannot stand being at home with so much negativity.
Gah I guess I should go back to work now.
Good bye.
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