Assalamualaikum,

On 14/10/14, I lost a friend.

I woke up the next morning, absolutely shocked by the news. It was an unexpected death. She was always sick, but I had not known that it had gotten so bad.

She was 21.

I was not that close to her. But in a madrasah community, classmates are practically family. We might not have been close but there were so many precious memories shared together as a class.

She was a strong one.

Most of the time, she had this determined look on her face. She was weak in some subjects but she never backed down. She always asked questions, asked for help from other classmates, always determined to understand what was being taught. Academics were never her forte, but that didn't stop her from trying.

She wasn't the type of religious person who was in her own little world, nope. She was a strong devout, definitely, but that didn't stop her from having fun with the rest of us, joking around, playing along with our silly pranks and games- and our class was known for that, haha!

It's been years since I last saw her. Both times my other class/batchmates went to see her were during Hari Raya Visiting last 2 years ago and another visit god knows when.

I think it's the saddest when you go and take a look at her Facebook, seeing her old posts and whatsapp, seeing her name and number still a part of our class whatsapp.

But Allah loves her more. And she deserved to be loved. She was loyal, determined, optimistic, intelligent, matured. She was a normal teenager, with a desire to go through life normally, studies, work, working towards her dream, getting married.. But I trust that Allah has better things in store for her in Akhirah.

To be honest, the news still has yet to sink in even after going to the mosque for the solat jenazah. I didn't get to see her for the last time cos I could only take time off for about 2 hours from work. And, well.. yeah. I still can't believe it. Denial stage I guess, haha.

To be honest (again), I didn't really cry when I first got the news. It didn't sink in. It was just like reading a storybook and you got to know one of the characters died. But just now during the prayers when the mufti read the prayers for her, it was so difficult to keep the sobs in. I cried for the times we spent together. For her family, friends, loved ones. For the future she could never have. For all the people's lives that she touched. It really made me insaf and look back and reflect at what I've been doing these past few years. Am I doing the right thing? Am I working towards Jannah? Have I been too complacent?

I don't know, god I really don't know. My mind is a mess right now, I'm at work and trying to do work haha but to no avail. Headache in the taxi just now....... Sighpie.

For those who are reading, if you don't mind, please sedekahkan surah Al-fatihah for my dear friend Almarhumah Majiidah binte Khamsani