:)

Warning: Long, emotional post

2012-02-25T06:53:00.003-08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER EXAMS ARE OVER EXAMS ARE OVER :'D God knows how happy I am that I don't have to study anymore for like a month or so! But I do feel the post-exam blues, the constant need to be with a book is killing me lolol. But I came prepared :D Downloaded the whole season 1 of Ghost Whisperer through this torrent that Nadiah introduced to me (and god, i am a NOOB at it) and it's like... a freakin' solace. Love that thing :D

Anyway I think I screwed the last paper quite badly. The day before... I had some thoughts running through my mind, some reflecting so I didn't really revise like I did for the other papers. But oh well, hopefully my presentation can make up for it.

Exam results will be out on the 20th, and that's the day I'm leaving for Genting! OMG! I have no idea how to get my results! Hopefully Abah will buy me a prepaid card that allows me to go to the internet too. Because I can't stand the anxiety of exam results. The last time, I woke up a few hours before and was so nervous till cannot stand it alr.

In Johor now, letting off some steam after exams~ But still cooped up in my room, watching GW lolol I LOVE JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT. Her smile is so sweet I can't kjsdbfkjshbfksh her EYE-SMILE is adorable!

Hm.

Sometimes - no wait - always. I always feel... sort of unwanted. Unnoticed. I want to feel special, to feel needed, not to everyone but at least to SOMEONE. Someone that, say, goes to me whenever she has problems. Talks to me whenever she's bored. Or something along that line. I always feel like I'm the OTHER person, y'know? Like if you have an extra movie ticket and you've called all your close friends alr and I'm like the next option.

I've never had that kind of friend before. I've never had any close friends like that, ever. Most of the time it's one-sided. And this feeling, it's so... suffocating. It's so... lonely being like this. I've been trying so hard to forge that kind of relationship with someone but it's always one-sided. And after a while... I got used to it. Not having people that I can go to if I have problems. Being alone. Being independent. Especially since I'm a second child, and thus the second child syndrome. I'm so used to being alone.

But always being alone is no bed of roses. I feel lonely. I feel suffocated with all these.. emotions and I have no outlet to let it all out. I am so envious of people saying, oh this person is my bestfriend, oh I always go to this person if I have problems etc. I want to be THAT person.

For years, I've been trying so hard to find someone who I can connect to like that, but I keep changing schools so much that everyone comes and goes. To the point that I'm used to it, losing and gaining new friends every time I step into a new environment. But I don't want that...

Is it because I'm an attention seeker? Is it because people don't trust me with their feelings? Is it because I'm unapproachable? Is being wanted too much to ask for? I am trying so hard to understand.

This is the secret that I've been hiding. This is the reason why I distance myself sometimes. This is the reason why one moment you'll see me happy and enjoying myself and so quiet and dazed in the other. Why else do you think I'm so eager to get married? Because I'm this near to giving up on finding such a person, to the point that I'm thinking that getting married will allow me to have a husband who can be an outlet to all of this.

Such a long time, I've been going through this. It sucks, honestly. I seriously feel that, one day, if I disappear for a week, NO ONE will notice. No one. And it makes me feel so pathetic.

I'm really holding on by a thread. What does keep me grounded? I keep myself grounded by drowning myself in novels, kpop, internet, tv shows. It keeps my mind of all of the problems. And of course, I pray to Allah. Only He can cease all these feelings in my heart. Only He can make me calm at this point of time. This holiday, I'm trying to find ways to dekatkan myself with Him. I've been feeling so distant from religion ever since poly started. It's making me insecure. It isn't easy, studying in poly. Sometimes the need to fit in can override everything. It's getting harder and harder to be in touch. Everyday is a struggle, finding time to pray, drawing boundaries from guy friends in class, keeping myself grounded and not to lose my way. It's so hard.

I want to go back to the days when I can chill in the mosque. Those days, those times when I feel so close to Allah. I feel so calm and safe inside the mosque. Especially Muhajirin. So much memories there. I feel a sense of familiarity there.

I need to always remember that Allah is not only my friend during difficult times, but also during sad, angry, confused, boring moments. He is always watching He is always taking care of those who love Him.

Sometimes, I admit, it's difficult to believe in something that you can't see with your own eyes. Sometimes I do have doubts. Sometimes I do feel tempted to follow the trend, show off my hair, wear cute dresses etc. But when I look back, I trust my religion. I know that they restrict us to to some stuff because there's a reason for it. For our own benefit. That's why people may see me as plain, always wearing qurta, always choosing clothes that are loose and long. But the most important thing is not how people look at me, it's how I feel. I FEEL SAFE. I don't feel exposed! I feel protected! And I feel good knowing that the only person who can see me without all those layers of protection is my future husband. I want to save myself for him. Because he's going to be special.

One of the main things that made me realize that was my one day in JC. That day. I admit, I actually felt happy about showing off my locks to people. It was like, FINALLY. But now I regret it. After a few hours I started feeling weird. Cold. Not safe. Exposed. And it felt like EYES were poking me, shoving me, exposing me. I FELT SO WEIRD. To the point that the feeling was so overwhelming that my temperature actually rose. Yes I got a fever mere hours after that! Then it hit me. This is why Islam forbids women to show their aurat to those who are not Muhrim. So many risks! No matter how religious a man can be, he can still be tempted! Not only by women's bodies, by their face, their eyes, their voice, the way they walk even! They may deny it but that's the truth. Men are not perfect, religious men are not perfect either. They make mistakes too. And I ain't staying to see what could happen! So that very night, I emailed the school stating my withdrawal. The process was painful, the insecurity was excruciating. But I knew that my decision was final. What happens after that, whether my appeal to poly will be accepted, will I even have a school, all of that I left it all to Allah, and aku tawakkal. I tried my best.

Okay then, it's late and I haven't prayed and I need to poop. HAHAHA.

Adios amigos!

Always be happy everyone! I love you <3

It's exam week!

2012-02-22T02:57:00.002-08:00

HI THERE :D

I think I've been reading too much so my vision got blurry. So I decided to take a break. Too much studying I guess lolol. But yeah I am also currently sick. What the hell men, sick on my first paper and now sick again before my second last paper. Thank goodness there's no paper today.

Anyway 2 more papers! I hope I can do well this semester. The first 2 tests were fine I guess. Same goes for the first 2 exams. Most of the time I remembered all the main information, but the problem lies in the time. So much to write (my mind was drowning in all the information that I intended to write) but so little time. Even an hour isn't enough for me to write a full blown assessment okay. I always spend so much time elaborating on the roles part. But oh well.

Planning to go out with the classmates after our last paper on Friday :D Thank god for the paper ending at 11am! Although the sucky bit is that the paper starts at 9 haha!

The last 2 days exam started at 4 and ended at 6 which was WORST. I mean, that timing is like, nap time for me! The most exhausted time. And both days me and HK hitched a ride on Atika's dad's car for the ride back home and I am super super thankful for that. No need to waste money on transportation, since I didn't buy bus concession this month in hopes of saving money.

My usual tradition of going to the hair salon after exam will also be scrapped this semester because I already spent some for the trip to Genting in late march and I also have to set aside money for the food and what-not while we're there. So yeap I guess I'll just either rot at home watching Ghost Whisperer or rot in the library reading novels.

Although I AM REALLY TEMPTED TO DO SOMETHING TO MY HAIR, like treatment or something but argh i can't my hair is in a bad enough state already and I vowed not to dye it anymore. And I want to keep long hair. And I decided I look best without bangs/fringe. So what else is there to do? DIY HAIR TREATMENT HAHA tried that one with the raw egg, olive oil and Mayo. The smell was PUTRID but the results were awesome! But doesn't last long, but I guess there should be more if I do it regularly.

What else is there to talk about? Vanilla Coklat? LOLOL I am currently head over heels over the main guy in the malay drama, god, he's hot okay. In a Malay way. Classic Malay look. And you know I have the hots for guys with thick eyebrows and lovely Malay eyes. Like like Taufik. Yeah. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. But omg Amir Ashraf <3

This is the second or maybe third time I actually have a crush on a Malay guy okay, after Teuku Ryan (IN MY PRIMARY SCHOOL DAYS LOLOL, he's an Indonesian actor btw and he's old but he's super cute but I got over him after he got married and had 2 kids), and Taufik and that guy in Dia, the main character's son Eka lolol those were the indo drama days~

Okay my stomach is growling, time to eat and continue studying yosh fighting aja aja jia you!

heyyyyyyyyyyyy

2012-02-08T03:57:00.000-08:00

Hi there! I suddenly felt like updating this dusty ol' blog.

Currently in the midst of exams, cramming till no end. My aim this semester is to get a gpa >3.5 and I'm really working hard for it. To the point that I'm falling sick. In the middle of the test today, I started sneezing so many times and sniffing and my eyes started watering until it clouded my mind. But I did try my best to finish off the test and I hope those hours of studying was worth it.

Anyway I just felt like letting off some steam here.

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to get involved. Sometimes I feel like I can make it in life without having any attachments to anybody, without having people to rely on. Simply because I've been living well without depending on anyone for my problems. I've been working them out independently without any help and I'm all well now right?

Although sometimes its frustrating, lonely... But I'm scared that if I get too involved, I'll back out. I'll try too much to please the other party to the point that it's not me. I'm lacking so much as a friend. I can't show my care, I can't verbalize what I think. I'm just so awkward at these stuff that I try to stay away. //sigh

On a lighter note, Mum finally approved of my trip to Genting! YES BABY 20-22 March I'll be going to Genting with ma homieeeees! So excited to go to the theme park! And it's my first ever trip overseas without my parents! 3 DAYS OF FREEDOM BABY.

Also decided to apply for volunteer work during the holidays, just to get some experience for the future.

Ah idk how to make myself be in a good mood again .___. I should just stop getting involved. Anyway, you were borned alone and you'll die alone too.

045; someday

2011-08-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

HELLO!

I wanted to share this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8NOp6bu7Z8

UKISS - Someday

Sometimes hit, sometimes miss, it’s always like that
Just do it right tomorrow, it’s just a small mistake
Sometimes bottom, sometimes top, sometimes number 1
Getting 1st place, you can only go down

Without it, just live without it
It’s just greed you have before you win it oh
Your suffering now is a sign of your hard work
Everybody knows you tried Everybody knows it’s alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days where you can smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be days where you can smile,
eventually a day you can smile will come

If it’s separation, just let her go
She might show lying tears,
maybe it wasn’t destiny
People who have to go, just go
Sure being next to them it might happen oh
Being tired right now
It’s just evidence of your love
Everybody knows you tried
Everybody knows it’s alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days where you can smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be
days where you smile,
eventually a day where you can smile will come

The past is the past is the past
Previous memories It’s the past
The long painful days
The Past is the past is the past
The days to forget you~

Everybody wins sometimes
Everybody knows you lose some

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be
days where you can smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring there will be days where you can smile,
eventually a day where you can smile will come
eventually a day where you can smile will come

I admit, the English translation isn't as meaningful as the Korean lyrics bcos sometimes I guess a certain language portrays meaning much better compared to other languages. But you get the gist of it right? For once a kpop song has lyrics so meaningful.

The first verse is like, sometimes you can get something and sometimes you miss it but it's okay, its just a small mistake and you can do it again tomorrow. Sometimes you get first place and sometimes you get last, but if you get first, the only way possible way to go is to go down so it's inevitable.

The chorus is very uplifting cos it tells us that even though right now things are really difficult and sometimes you just want to give up, but be reminded that in the midst of everything there will be happy days so just keep those days in mind while going through shit and just perservere.

Another message brought up in the song is that, if you can live without something you love, just live without it because sometimes that thing or person is just not meant for you and in the future there might be better things in store for you.

Listening to this song, all those painful memories suddenly pops up in my mind and hearing such uplifting and motivating words, whoa made me cry man this is such a great song that portrays so much of life. HAH THIS IS WHY I LOVE UKISS TO BITS.

Anyway. EXAMS ARE OVER!
Overall... I think I did my best! I could have improved at some points but it's over and I guess I can use these.. 7 weeks? To brush up on my studying skills and all. Yosh. May this holiday be a productive one! I hope I can get a good gpa. I hope i can get As and Bs but considering how my dynamics test went.... I don't think I can hah. Killer paper, that one. You literally have to memorize the whole friggin lecture notes. And come up with your own examples. I think I flunked that one. But i really hope i can get good marks for the sake of my sponsorship.

The rest are okay. Do-able I guess.

Today is Friday the 26th which means....... IFTAR AT IRSYAD! Because of this i'll be giving my class celebration a miss :( But oh well. BACK TO IRSYAD I GO~

Ah end of the first semester of my poly life.. It has been... Fruitful! I love this course to bits and my classmates are awesome beyond description! Although I'm still not sure where to go after poly just yet, I'll just... enjoy the ride first before thinking of the consequences. I have a vague interest in children with disabilities but i'll see in year 2 when we really learn about them in depth.

Life is difficult sometimes and sometimes halfway we suddenly want to drop everything and give up but really, things will be better, SOMEDAY. So just look forward to that day and do the best we can, try so hard, SO DAMN HARD so that we won't regret that we didn't do our best when we could have. Everybody will go through this stage and only the strongest comes out successful, SO DO YOUR BEST! BE STRONG!

^ a reminder to myself also, hah.

I went through shit at the beginning of the year and this song, whoa = MY LIFE. And my current situation definitely proves that there WILL be days that I can smile, like today :D

Remember, when I was in such a lost state after getting my results and I went from JC to MWTI to deciding whether to take up Social Sciences or Law? That was such a rough patch for me cos i honestly felt so lost after not being able to take up psychology and i didn't think of a back-up plan before.

So I went through all that shit, and look where I am right now, enjoying my course to the fullest and gaining so much things useful to myself and others. Knowing that during those times, I put in my utmost effort in moving on even though it was excruciating to go through, knowing that I honestly tried my best, and now, im happy and I'm able to look back and say that, yes i tried my best. I can look back and confidently say that i tried my best and i didn't regret anything, I didn't regret going to JC, MWTI because in the process i managed to learn more about myself. Rediscover my interests and myself.

A bit of deep thinking there, but yeah I feel so.. CONTENT.

Another uplifting thing that I can recommend, besides the song is an ANIME!

FRUITS BASKET!

AN AWESOME AWESOME BEYOND WORDS ANIME. Serious, when i say it's uplifting, it's REALLY uplifting. A meaningful anime. Serious, GO WATCH! NOW! NOW!

NOW! I shall get ready to go the salon. HAHAHAHA. Because, as a tradition I've had ever since i was 16, is to go to the salon after every exam. And I stuck to it okay! From STE to Olevel to now in poly, going to the salon is like a form of self-care. I love to be pampered that way haha!

Alright. OH AND A GOOD DRAMA THAT IS SO FUNNY I SERIOUSLY CAN CROWN IT THE FUNNIEST DRAMA THAT EXISTS BESIDES SENARIO HAHA!

PROTECT THE BOSS!
With Jaejoong in it! It's literally hilarious ttm. You won't stop laughing. It's only at its 8th episode but every episode so far, you have to watch every second cos every second is hilarious haha! PLUS THERE'S JAEJOONG. isn't jaejoong like, a legit reason already for you to be watchi g it? HIS SEXINESS. HAHA! His acting improved a lot in here. So yes. Watch.

I'll be going then. SEE YA SOON. I'll probably update often because it's the holidays. Or not since its hari raya. Okay.

BYE! & HAPPY ADVANCED HARI RAYA!

044; 2 down, 2 more to go!

2011-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

YES! 2 down, 2 more to go!

Social work was... Idk okay I guess. Stumbled at the first question. THIRTY MARK QUESTION. Super kanchiong! My reaction after seeing the marks was literally O___O Then my mind went blank. Whoa. I hope I get at least half! That one question contributes to more than half of the total marks for the paper! But nvm, it's done and over.

Tomorrow is Ethics! I'll need a clear mind for that. Currently quite done with revising. I have already structured in my mind how to do the paper, like how many minutes to plan, to write etc and the structure of the essays. I hope I'll do well.

I need to sleep early today to qiyam. At home since exams at 1230pm, so cannot follow parents go muhajirin to qiyam there. I shall try my best to wake up and pray!

After tmr is over, all that's left is Sociology! I've finished revising that, gonna memorize the 2 main topics tmr after the paper, so Wednesday will be full module revision. I still have to clear out some doubts. I still dont get what the symbolic interactionist perspective is +__+

So far exams were.. Okay. Same reaction towards any other exam. Did all I can but could have improved. Oh well. Tawakkal. I hope my presentations can pull my grades up. Especially for Dynamics :/ I think I did really really really badly for that one. I really suck at rephrasing the theories in my mind, so I resort to memorizing. But I can't possibly memorize everything, so I usually memorize the most important stuff and make sense of the rest. But as I said, I really CANNOT rephrase the theories in my mind. It all doesnt make sense if I use my own words. So yeah expecting to flunk that paper.

The main reason how I do well during exams is that I memorize like a machine =__= Since maarif trained me to memorize like hell, I stuck to it. But of course, i'm human too and I cant memorize everything. I can understand concepts well but I can't rephrase them and explain them in my own words so I end up memorizing.

Ahh I hope I can improve on that bit. Shall do my research during the holidays. Already planning to read up on Philosophy during the holidays~ I wonder if I should find a job during the holidays. Hmm mum's telling me to volunteer since it'll be good for my resume. But idk lah. Not ready yet :/

Okay then. Trying hard to be a better person. YOSH. FIGHTING.
Happy last 10 days of Ramadan!

043; 1 down 3 to go

2011-08-18T05:49:00.000-07:00

ONE DOWN, THREE MORE TO GO!

Today was out first exam, Intro to Psychology. Personally, I spent A LOT of time studying this compared to the rest. So I found the paper quite easy.

Also, not forgetting tips from my cousin :D Her lecturer told her what was going to be tested and she told me.. But then the rest of the class said that nursing students' paper is different from us so I didn't mention to you all lah what she said was going to be tested.. But ended up the same. So so sorry ;__; I feel guilty now for not telling.

Next up will be Ethics, Social Work and Sociology. Sociology should be okay too, no essay. A bit scared for ethics though, 2 essays. 1 essay already I feel like chopping off my hand, let alone 2.. But oh well. Can't do anything about that. Social work.. Hmm I'll need to brainstorm and try out the questions Jocelyn gave us before.. Should be okay too Insya Allah.

Dynamics on the other hand... Was a failure. Idk whether I can pass or not but oh well, tawakkal. I did my best. Studied that one like mad.

Ah okay that gonna breeze through sociology. After eating cough medicine.

Good night!

042; Ramadhan Mubarak.

2011-07-31T04:38:00.000-07:00

A lot of things has been going on, and it has.. taken a lot out of me to perservere. Really. Especially today, if I hadn't read all those replies.. I swear I would have done something stupid. For those of you who follow me on twitter you'd know.

I was this close to doing something stupid, really. I was halfway through, even. And as a result, my hands and knees are bruised. Old habits die hard. I hope my head isn't bruised too. Because I might have done something to it.. Okay I did do something to it. But I feel fine now.

Physically anyway. Emotionally.. I'm still trying. It's a pity I can't pray or read the Quran because it's that time of the month or I'd feel much better but.. hah.

I guess my expectations of everything are too.. high I guess. Maybe I shouldn't expect anything out of anyone at all. So that I won't feel this shitty when my expectations and reality don't match. But I have to have some sort of vague impression of what a figurative person is expected to be like right? Or not? I don't know.

Sometimes I wish someone would knock me down with a car and then I'll lose all my memories so that I can have a chance to restart my life. No wait, sometimes I feel like standing in front of a moving car to do that. But I'll just have to pick myself up. And push myself forward. On my own two feet.

I'm perservering. And I hope, in the future, I'll be able to look back and say that I perservered. It'll take a lot out of me to be patient and endure all these shit but I really hope I'll have the strength to pick myself up and move on.

& For the first time I'll end a post with a greeting!

ASSALAMUALAIKUM RAMADHAN!

Bulan dimana nafas kita menjadi Tasbih, Tidur kita menjadi Ibadah, Amal kita Diterima dan Do'a kita di Ijabah.

041; short update again

2011-07-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yes yes short update. Exams coming up plus some presentations. Prepared for some, some not :/ I haven't even started revising for exams! I think after I'm finished with preparation for Ethics I'll start studying Psychology. Exam timetable is out and I guess it's okay. Thank goodness Psych is all MCQ if not it's like Geography but 20 more topics.

I'm quite worried if I'll have time to study for exams or not since I've been preoccupied with preparing for counselling ica 2 also. I usually do extensive research for counselling icas cos there's no exam for it, like written ones and some more I think we messed up on the presentation so I have to do well for this second ica to make up for it.

Social work presentation is going well too, finishing some up tmr (ON MY BELOVED TUESDAY WHEN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO COME TO SCHOOL BUT UNFORTUNATELY HAVE TO), psychology presentation I'm prepared for it, Sociology, not prepared at all lol.

But yeah, everything has been going well. Ramadan coming up soon, can't wait :D Then exams, then HOLIDAY! Raya during the holidays is the best!

What else is up? Nothing much ah. Normal stuff, watched harry potter and cried from the half mark onwards, other presentations, preparation for nurses' day stuff yada yada yada. Thank goodness I chose not to involve myself with much ccas. I know it's important for university and all that but I simply don't have the time. And I don't want to make time for ccas cos I want to focus more on studies. Maybe I'll give the Community Service CCA guy another email though.. Haiyo poly is becoming more stressful by the minute. But I'm thankful for the oppurtunity to become a better person through this course. Like Jim said, results don't matter :)

Alright, it's quite late and I need my beauty sleep. Hehe. Good night everyone. Have a nice day ahead!

040; short update

2011-07-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't.... Right? Yeah I shouldn't.

Hallo! Am in class rn. School ended already but I'm staying back to finish up some projects.. & idk, lepak or something. Since the class is open anyway and there are a bunch of people staying back too for projects.

FASTING TODAY! If I can tahan for today, 2 more days to pay back, then can chill! Actually cannot lah, with projects icas exams soon. Thank god i didn't join any ccas, at least can spend more time at home.

Yesterday was quite an experience. We went to Sengkang to do project, the morning was spent finishing up on some other project, and in the afternoon we started on our survey for Sengkang West, for the social work module.

Like total foreigners, we had to ask around to get around lolol had no idea which buses to take etc, so unprepared. After giving Anchorvale CC a visit, we got super lost! We passed a river, a park (SCORCHING HOT OMG), a highway. We were resting at the highway, of all the places, we weren't really sure which direction to go, wanted to take a cab but we had 5 people in total. The place was really ulu and so little cars passed by. Eventually we got help from a guy, and ended up at some bus stop, but then got approached by the same guy who showed us where to go haha If we had taken the bus we'd end up MORE lost, so yes. THANK YOU.

So we passed a field, walked some more, finally got to Sengkang West =__= Did the surveys etc my face was so red already from the heat and hk said my lips were getting pale so I took care of the bags while they went to survey people.

I started observing my surroundings, saw this uncle who drank 2 bottles of beer and was stumbling otw home even though it was still quite early in the evening. Waited. Waited. And omg whatever lah so long my story, we met up again, discussed some stuffs, went home, camwhored in the lrt etc etc.

Hafizah's open house this Saturday. Her house happens to be where we went, Sengkang West lolol and I only realized like so late. I think after that we'll be going Johor AGAIN. As usual ah. I don't feel like following but I don't like eating at home during the weekends hahahahah and msian food is nice.

Alright then, just a short update. i was a bit disappointed I couldn't go for Bahas 4pm (NOT FOR THAT REASON OKAY MUNEEROAH) but oh well. I still dont know when theyre airing it.

Ok. BYE!

039; tvxq

2011-07-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

http://sharingyoochun.net/2011/06/03/trans-110602-code-v-says-%E2%80%9Cthe-second-tvxq-we-will-surpass-rather-than-imitate%E2%80%9D/

This.

Code V, I respected you. I actually LIKED Addiction. But..

You say you respect them but yet you said that after their breakup, it gained you more fans?

You say you respect them but you say you'd rather surpass them? DGNA also said that they respect tvxq, look up to them as idols, but they NEVER said that they'd surpass them.

You confidently say that you look like jaejoong but you don't look a single bit like him. DGNA's Karam who looks like Jaejoong's doppelganger never even mentioned about himself looking like Jaejoong.

You say you'd rather show your own colours and not imitate them, but what was your performance of their song, Love in the ice like? Did you not just imitate all of their vocals? Did you not attempt to do Yoochun's high note? Is that not imitating? Or did you know, by singing a tvxq song was the only way to get the japanese fans to notice you? Isn't that taking advantage of tvxq's popularity? If you claimed that you were THAT good, you should be able to captivate them with your own song not with others'.

Tvxq won tons of awards for their first debut single, and won loads of rookie awards. You, you had to change your group name to attempt to be recognized, and even after that, Jungdok didn't even get attention, so you had to resort to going to Japan.

Tvxq gained immense popularity in Korea first before being confident enough to debut in Japan, and worked hard for years from being totally unrecognized to becoming the first Korean group to perform in Tokyo Dome, which only TOP NOTCH Japanese idols have been performing at so far. You, you gained popularity BECAUSE of what tvxq has achieved for, what they have brought into Japan, not because of your vocals and what not, just because you come from korea and your genre is somewhat similar to that of tvxq's.

Can you do a high note effortlessly like Changmin? Can you sing so passionately, making people who don't even know who you are, cry, like Junsu? Can your leader sacrifice so much to be a singer that he slept on the streets, at the park and improved his vocals from being so bad until he can do superb high notes now like Yunho? Can you captivate your audience with your singing until they cry because they've felt your honesty and passion in your singing and be able to come up with a random song on the piano just like that, like Yoochun? Can you sing so many different genres and excel well in all those genres, direct a whole concert by yourself, sing so flawlessly even with rigorous choreography, like Jaejoong? Prove it to me that you can do all that, then I'll get back my respect for you.

I am really, immensely disappointed. You just lost the respect of god knows how many Cassiopeians out there. We never really minded when rookie groups say that they want to be like tvxq but wanting surpass them and yet contradicting to your own words.. Thats just.. Idk what to say ah. Remember, TVXQ holds the guinness world record for having the most number of people in their fanclub IN THE WORLD. Just a warning.

To end a day on such a bad note is... just.. sad. On the other hand, Beast's fanmeet was enjoyable :) My throat's a bit sore but I'm still talking xD A bit of a headache after too much jumping thoughhh. Ouch, really painful ones but its subsiding, so yeah.

Have a good Sunday everyone. All the best to mwti for the bahas today. I can't come unfortunately, going Johor tmr. Do your best!

Good... mornight.

038; JUNE HOLIDAYS (2 weeks with mostly project discussions)

2011-06-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Halo.

Whoa it's been way too long since I updated. Accept my apologies, please.

A lot has passed, a presentation (I repeat, only A. ONE.), a field trip to Cheshire Homes, Class outing with my classmates, Class outing with S5C, Johor trips, counselling ica, Liza's wedding etc etc.

One by one. I finished Digimon! Of course, excluding season 5 and the episodes which were not uploaded yet. So now it's just me, having withdrawal symptoms. I feel so lost without digimon. I seriously, seriously, love Digimon with a passion. You all may find it weird but i treasure that anime A LOT. The anime taught me a lot of values that I learned early, it's something that people usually learn naturally with life but i learnt it through Digimon hah! But i really, really, treasure it. Anyway.

Yeap. Other than that. LIZA'S WEDDING! Oh my beloved cousin finally got married! After god knows how many years of being with Farid (serious I've seen him too many times, usually I see my future in laws like, during the engagement only, and farid even tutored me maths/physics once) they finally got married on a glorious day!

I was holding back tears during the akad nikah (the first ever English one for me! It goes somewhat like, I accept the marriage of blah blah with the dowry of blah blah) bcos it was THAT touching to me. My family is very close with Liza since we live a river away (literally) and since they come around to our house to eat when both of them (liza and papa) go back home too late to cook. Also because mummy wasn't alive to see her daughter getting married. I prayed and prayed that she would come and visit and see her daughter finally getting married. And I hope she did. Insya allah. Amin. Alfatihah.

Then the wedding! It was awesome! Our whole side dressed in Indian costumes to Liza's request! Even the little ones! The best dressed definitely goes to baby Syafiq man. With the curly hair and indian costume. FUSHOOOO. VERY enjoyable wedding. the best i've been to. usually i'd be half dead during weddings. but everything was super fun. the silat was hilarious with Amin joking around with Farid and Ipul's dragonball moves and of course mamat's shaky hands (forever).

AND THE GROOM'S ADVENTURE TO GET TO THE BRIDE! HAHA! IT WAS SUPER FUN. It's like, to get to the bride, the groom has to get through the cousins of the bride who will ask some questions about the bride and her family. The groom was backed up by friends and brothers. and the cousins... well we have 26 (I think. I forgot) of them. We are definitely well backed up. Amin and brothers went up and asked the most ridiculous things. How many stripes are there in the Malaysian flag. What is our grandmother's name. What is the bride's brother's first motorcycle. Kekek seh. Last was our female cousins plus female inlaws. How many cousins (hell we even we didn't know, we had to count ourselves after that) does the bride have on the maternal side. Some other teka teki. Like What is the prettiest number in the world. Something like that. And finally we gave the groom a chance and let him pass xD Oh I forgot to mention whenever the groom couldnt answer, he can "bribe" us with money xD HAHAHA AWESOME RIGHT.

I had an awesome time. I didn't go to the groom's side though, which was held the next day. Studied =..=

Counselling ica. Was alright. Of course I couldve done better. I'm more scared for the next ica where our questions all must be super smooth and super relevant to the session. Everything tested during the first ica should all be tattooed inside us and be second nature and everything.

Presentation! was hilarious. I think we did well :D Added a bit of humor into our presentation xD totally paiseh but it did the trick. we even dressed up as bangladeshis to give our presentation a witty twist xD oh our topic was Social Work in Bangladesh >:D

What else. Ahhh the field trip. A nice first experience. We performed for the people there, talked to them etc. I talked a lot to this auntie. She was funny xD and nice! The place was a really homely place, I'd love to live/work there, serious the atmosphere is wonderful! Then some of us went to Nex to lepak. I went too but left at like 0630 since it was nearly maghrib. But there were pictures of Khai and Charmaine FINALLY running through the water park fully clothed. after i left pft.

SS1101 outing to seoul garden! too full after that. so worth it. awesome time! Sitting with Charmaine is just, stomach exploding sia, laughing nonstop. She called me the wrong name thrice, and asked me to eat her specialty dish, clams with garlic THRICE even though I told her the first time that I don't eat clams. the third time she asked we were laughing until cannot tahan already. Shirley and me and our ball jokes. Whoa we were super noisy ah. Oh in the morning my group had a discussion about one of our projects. yeah. super expensive food at the food court wtf. after the lunch, some of us went shopping~ fun fun~ tired though.

Hmm then S5 CORDOVA OUTING LIKE FINALLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I had a fever the day before so I was scared I couldn't make it but thanks to your duas I was well the next day :) It was awesome awesome awesome awesome. Talked Gossiped made sandcastle and a long long river (jana and i intended it to go all the way to the sea but we were way too tired to finish it) and overall. most awesome time i had in months.

Johor trips. Went to scout for furniture. On the thursday that I ended at 12, left for Johor after that. I switched rooms with Iyah since I didn't want a bathtub in my toilet. So my room is now bigger but with no view. hah oh well. Haven't really planned how my room is gonna be but right now the budget only allows us to buy the necessities like the bed and closet. So, bit by bit ah. Hopefully by the end of this year, we'll be able to have a big family reunion there. The house will be ready in roughly July, and the swimming pool in... September? Ohohoh I hope I can spend my birthday there!

And I seriously don't mind living in Msia. the malls have prayer rooms man. beautifully scented prayer rooms. i went into one and didn;t want to leave because the smell was so calming and refreshing i felt like living in there forever and ever. and of course everything (almost) there is halal. the only thing i dont like is the lack of mode of transport. paleng2 naik taxi. but the sceneries and all are beautiful. and i saw this nice-looking policeman. hahahahahhahahaha lolololol jk jk.

2 weeks of holidays and 3/4 of it is planned, full with project discussions. yes. only that. fml. too many projects. with jim not telling is which group's turn, all of us have to finish it within a certain week and he'll call up any of us any time. hurrr. for both his projects some more. haiyo jim waeeee ;__;

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. I guess the change has to go through slowly right. I can't expect myself to change everything in one night. Phew. Baby steps, baby steps.

Speaking of babies, I forgot what I wanted to name my daughter. I remember my future son's name. Adam Mukhriz. Pretty right? From the novel Adam & Hawa haha the best novel I ever read i cant explain it in words how awesome it is. But I really forgot what I wanted to name my daughter!! It was a beautiful name some more >:( But warning to future husband (SANGWOOOOOO HAHA); I want a MINIMUM of THREE kids okay. MINIMUM. But you (i.e. SANGWOOOO HAHA) must appear in my life before I turn 23. I want to get married at 23. OKAY? THANK YOU xP

Alrighty then, time to study psych and later on gonna meet hamizah for a date >:D

Bye bye!

037; its a thursday!

2011-05-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

ITS A THURSDAY! & I'm still sick ;___;

Yes, yes, I'm still religiously watching Digimon everyday, rewatching the first season while waiting for the 6th season's next episode. KIRIHA <3

Anyway. Thursday /shudder/ the worst day of the week. Because there's gsm. POL is a fine subject but being in school since morning really drains you. Had to wait for 3 hours some more.

This week is okay, not so stressing but next week omg, social work presentation, counselling ica, POL project due date, ETC ETC gonna die this weekend prepping. Bismillah. Really having trouble forcing myself to read up on the subjects, bcos the books are so bloody thick and the words are so tiny, i (seriously) fell asleep after TRYING to read a page. It's been so long since I;ve read a textbook. It's interesting but I'm too lethargic to even do anything.

I will spend my weekends fruitfully. Amin. AH FU NOSE STOP RUNNING. I was sleeping on the bus one day and I woke up to my nose dripping wtffffffffff.

Ah alright alright I want to sleep before 11, finishing Jocelyn's case study, pack my bag, get my pillows and sleep. Good night everyone. Fighting! Happy holidays for those embarking on June holidays! I've still got 2 weeks to go!

036; friday

2011-05-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

HELLO YES YES YES HURRAH TODAY IS FRIDAY. actually its past 12 already but yeah anyway whatever.

Today! Was rolling on the floor laughing day. First was Jim's tutorial, discussed the pillow method. Nothing much. Then it was Jocelyn's tutorial. Also nothing much, just did a case study. Then it was our 3 hour break. Hurrr.

We waited for Charmaine to get her book from Nicholas and went off to eat at mcd, Me Charmaine Hamizah Atika Lynn and Wen Yang! Wah my first time engaging in a convo with wen yang and lynn! hamizah and I tried Gecko which was so yummy and so worth it that I'm going to buy from there from now on. We talked about random stuffs, yeah. There was a beach boy mascot outside and hamizah and I took a picture with it! Hehehehehe. Then we wanted to go to the library to watch counselling videos but the mvr was booked at that time so we retreated to outside our class. Watched some oldies for inspiration for our field trip later in June. Then I went to pray. Went back to camwhore. And class. Jocelyn's lecture.

Really sorry to her but i wasnt paying attention during the latter half, totally brain dead. Too dry. I looked around to see who else was dying and I saw................... only one. Hurr. At the end when jocelyn gave us homework i was super blur, like what, what philosophy, what to do!?

After her lecture, we were done. an hour early. some of us lepaked. then khairul started drawing on the board and thats when the laughter started. first he drew a face with a small hat on the head. and he asked us to guess who it was. obviously its madeline. then aaron, michael all came and joined him, drawing khai, mike, kenji, sufi, atika, azizah, me, hamizah, aaron (most racist one hahahahah), elaine, hor kuan, nicole, wen yang (HAHAHHA HILARIOUS) etc.

Khai's was a pig, Mike's was a perfect caricature of him with his checkered shorts, kenji's was a round face in the middle of a rectangle, resembling the japanese flag (AHAHAH OMFG), sufi's was also a good drawing, atika azizah me became the triple As, all in tudung some more, hamizah also a good drawing, aaron's HAHAHAHAH was simply a black stickman with the face coloured in (SUPER RACIST KAN HAHAHAHAHAHA), elaine with bieber's hair, hor kuan with the bloody knife, nicole with the 2 piece signs, wen yang ahahhahaha in the middle of drawing, he was watching at the sides sitting on a chair and idk somehow he fell from the chair and we were laughing and rolling on the floor, wan ying was already crying from laughing too much, so wen yang's ended up to be a chair and a stickman falling from it with "AHHHHH" next to it hahahahahha klaka gile.

then after decided on a malay song to perform during the field trip, i went to irsyad to wait for parents cos i was too lazy to go home on my own. slept at the office -___- too tired. oh and saw syakirin at yck mrt! Yeahh.

Anyway I'm watching the sixth season of digimon rn, digimon xros war, NOT BADDD quite awesome actually, yeah. Gonna continue epi 6 now. byebye!

035; relink!

2011-05-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

YES! I have finally gotten round to renaming my blog! FINALLY. Simple and sweet. Azlinrazak.blogspot.com & No idk why the previous posts' fonts are SO HBDKUHBDSKJH TINY wtf bloggerrrrr.

Today was....bearable. Dad sent me to school and also picked me up from school hehe >:D Discussed project with the group. So far okay. THEN THE HORROR BEGAN. PSYCHOLOGY LECTURE! Even though it lasted for only an hour, I was so exhausted from fighting the Zzz monster (dayummm jim is rubbing off on me) that the rest of the day was just me dragging my feet around. Everyone was commenting on how dead I seemed. I was, really. Psychology and the 7 theories of emotions killed me. Wen Yang posted on fb "Wen Yang's theory of emotions. Fuck all the others" My thoughts exactly.

We all went to eat and went to lepak at the discussion room in the library, 2 packs playing monopoly deal and the rest on their pcs (me hehe fanfic time!). After that was Jim's lecture. Quite heavy stuff, but i SURVIVED! Then we discussed about the gsm project for a bit until we gave up and postponed it to Wednesday.

Will be going to botanical gardens tomorrow, family outing! Means I have to sleep early! I'm dying rn anyway.

My hair is really..... in a bad shape lolol. Will be the damage repair shampoo after this OTL I wonder if they believed that my hair is now orange? Haha! Charmaine actually believed that this picture i showed to her was me when i was little omg wanted to roll on the floor right there.

Ah I'm going to fall asleep anytime now. Adios amigos. Need my beauty sleep. All the best for your projects/assessments/exams or whatever! My duas are always with you guys! Fighting! Be happy!

034; hi

2011-05-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

Hi. There's school tomorrow. Sucks right. If only vesak day was a day earlier then I'd have a lovely 4-day weekend. Even though class starts at 12 tomorrow, I have to meet up with groupmates at 9 to finish off our projects.

Projects.

Projects.

THEY JUST KEEP COMING. LIKE A FRISBEE, I FINISH RESEARCHING ON ONE AND A LECTURER THROWS ONE BACK AT ME! WHERE IS THE JUSTICE! So all the projects have revealed themselves, plus a counselling assessment next week. This week we have one last trial counselling. I AM SCARED no doubt, last week I got to become the client so that wasn't much of a burden. Although I had my facts straight about the role, Nadiah's questions made me like, Oh shit, what to answer..... I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE ANYWAY. Except for Sangwoo haha my imaginary boyfriend. HAHAHAHAH YES I KNOW I SOUND PSYCHOTIC but imaginary boyfriends are the only way to go if you're single.

School has been packed, every spare moment spent in projects. I never get to revise because I always find another fic to read hehe it makes me feel nice, reading fics.

I want an arranged marriage. Malas nk dating2 ni sume, datangkan maksiat je. Hurr i hope mum can find me a good rich one. HAHAHHAHAHA THEN I'll be able to let sangwoo go. HAHHHAHAAHAHHA. SANGWOO SO HOT~~~~~

Why do those dyes in boxes not work well -___- I want orange hair~~~~ LALALA~~~~ I got tired of red~~~

Just a few more weeks to holidays. Yes. Yes. Be patient. If lecturers throw us some holiday homework I'll jump off a cliff. Since we'll be getting our keys in june, we will be spending most of our june holidays in JOHOR~ and i think without internet. which means i need to download as many fics as i can. I have a rough idea of how my room is going to be like~ my room is the smallest in the room and i plan to have a cozy feel to it since its small.

Ah I discovered 1tym's taebin today. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHE He's...... not bad eyy. HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA whaat and his songs are nice! he can sing and rap! what ever happened to 1tym~ theyre like the 90s' big bang!

Ahhh I think my hair is destroyed. Time for treatment.......?

Alright then off to read fanfics~ I hope i can finish this one by today so i wont have to sneakily read it during discussion or sth hehe.

ADIOS AMIGOOOOOSSS~

033; projects!

2011-05-07T23:09:00.001-07:00

ENTERING WEEK 4 & the projects slowly reveal themselves!

Lecturers just started bursting into our class, informing us about our ICAs and stuff and pile us the projects hurrr. Ethics, Psycho, S.W. projects are out and we are now kanchiong-ing. Finally some action yeah? Schedule will be slightly lighter in week 7 hehe of course, nearing holidays.

Went to Tekka ytd to buy clothes for liza's wedding. She wants her relatives to wear indian themed clothes so yeah, I don't mind, indian clothes are very pretty and sparkly >:D 4TH JUNE! This time I get to actually enjoy the wedding and not cram for maths olevels like I did last year during my other cousin's wedding. All the pictures didn't have me in it ;___; I was dutifully doing maths questions at my uncle's house.

School has been normal. Fun. I'm running out of food to eat though. Slowly getting tired of the food there.

Poly has been slightly difficult, in the sense of socializing. I don't have problems making friends and talking, hell I find it easy but it's the guys-are-now-equal-to-you bit, as in.. How to say. Like no boundaries kind of relationship? Its kinda hard now that projects are starting especially. Iman mesti kuat! Especially since I sit in front of 3 guys, 3 noisy irritating siao guys. They're nice though! Alhamdulillah. I hope things will become more smooth sailing in the future.

Elections! I only understood it on the election day which was ytd haha when mum gave me a short summary on it. And obviously my GRC went to PAP duh. I'm more on WP's side, admittedly hehe and TPL can go resign lah please lah kate spade bags pft.

Tomorrow class starts at 12 but my group meeting earlier to discuss our presentation gah, there goes my sleeping in time ;__; nvm, tuesday no school.. Can revise then.. Tomorrow also got badminton but I don't think I'm staying, will be wayyyy too tired, confirm.

I've been watching a lot of tvxq performances lately. Hehh for memories' sake. Particularly raping the replay buttons of their performances of Love in the ice, Bolero, Taxi, Doushite. And JYJ's W. AWESOME PERFORMANCES ;___; But i have to admit, jyj performed the best during the japanese days. Really flawless performances. Especially Yoochun, his singing like downgrade a bit during the W performance. And amazingly Jaejoong also. I'm a bit biased with Junsu's singing so yeah. No one is better than Junsu, NO ONE I TELL YOU. No one has such beautiful quality of voice and spectacular control of his vocals and put in so much SOUL into his singing and have such superb emotions brought out during singing as much as KIM JUNSU. HANDS DOWN, HE IS THE BEST. #aktf

Ah I need to do research for psycho project now. Will update whenever I feel like it. AH I WANT KIDSS <3

032; 1-10

2011-04-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

HELLO PEOPLE!

Today is a wednesday! Meaning I get a ride from Umi to school! Jajajaja yes we caught up with each other, story2 otw to school as usual and also as usual i had to walk all the way from the engineering building to health sciences building OTL

Met Hamizah Lynn Aaron Wenyang in front of the lecture theatre, and waited for the rest (yes our class still tight knit, reccess all together). But they were late so we tapped first and eventually went in. Sociology class! 50% stare off into space and 50% concentrate hehe too early, very very very sleepy. Ended early, like 20 minutes and Kenji wanted to eat so we went to canteen ah but only Kenji and Michael ate. After that, to class for ethics!

I have to say, I LOVE THIS MODULE. All about our values and ethics on certain topics like abortion, pre-marital sex etc and today's lesson was fun! We had to stand in a line according to our heights (& omg i was one of the shortest skhbfskjhfb) and Jocelyn will flash some statements on the board, and if we think it's right, or acceptable we have to step to the right and if we think its wrong we have to step to the left.

Among the statements were stuff like "A couple, both 18 years old, having sex" "Couple kissing in public". THE MOST HILARIOUS ONE I CANNOT TAKE IT "Elderly couple having sex in nursing home" SERIOUSLY OUR DEBATE WAS LIKE NC 16. Among the comments "If they married then can ah" "But nursing home still public place what" "If they don't make sound?" "Eyy impossible ah" "Eh later heart attack how? Too vigorous" "But they old what, confirm they do gentle one"

Aku dah seriously kat situ da ketawa danak nanges klaka sgt! But the activity was really fun ah.

After that we were divided into 2 groups for counselling module. After reccess ah. Played a lot of angry birds haha! WENTING PRO!! Anyway, I was in Jocelyn's class. It was autobiography time! Unfortunately I can't story here, everything is confidential but it was a really heartwarming session ah, cry2 and all.. But we were out of time so 4 of us including me, postponed to next week.

Oh yes i forgot! After lunch! WE HAD A PHOTOSHOOT HAHA as usual thats what we do almost everyday just take siao pictures. Anyway Kenji started off the photoshoot. The rule was to pose with showing numbers 1-10, and making the pictures look super gay. First off was Kenji haahhaha really ah hilarious ttm. Then after kenji finished Khairul suddenly came in so we sabo-ed him and immediately he started posing hahahahahahha ni btol2nye gay poses seh. Next was Michael, at first he didnt want ah, then kenji force him go do so eventually he gave up ahahhha! All the pictures are at my fb if anyone is interested. Yes the back of my class has a lepak corner where most of counselling sessions happen at. Then after that Jocelyn came in already so cannot continue xD

But after the sharing session i felt really... bonded with them ah. Very enlightening experience, just pity I didn't get to listen to the other half of the class' stories, especially the quiet ones.. Oh well. I wonder how Jim attacked them.

Tomorrow.... Got what ah? Library tour -___- and Kenji and I booked badminton court for the class to play tomorrow~ So more class bonding! JAJAJAJA SUPERSTAR1101 FTW.

FRIDAY THE MOST EPIC TIMETABLE EVER. For this week's anyway. Jocelyn had to postpone our class this Friday cos the childcare was closed. SO FOR FRIDAY = ONLY 1 HOUR OF CLASS. I KNOW OMG I LIVE IN PASIR RIS, THEN COME TO SCHOOL FOR ONE HOUR THEN GO HOME? SO SIAN AH OMG. NO MERCY. They want to ask Jim to cancel Friday's class totally ahahahha but confirm cannot ah.. We've been missing a lot of classes bcos of public holidays, some more this weekend is going to be really long with monday being a public holiday and tuesday being a no-school day. So yeah. Gonna spend my time at the library I think.

Alright then. I think I've officially become the class' photographer even though i'm actually under IT&Comm. Whatever ah I dont mind bringing the camera and fb so far has been kind enough to let me upload all those pictures.

Alright then, life story over, I'm a bit tired today idk why .__. Have a good day everyone! I get very happy in the morning after reading dongho/soohyun's good morning tweets xD Like really happy.

Anyway. SAYONARAAAAA~

031; classes!

2011-04-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

I need to change my blogskin. The paragraphs never come out :(

Anyway today! Camwhore day! Our first lecturer didn't come and the relief lecturer only taught us for one hour instead of 2, so we had a 3 hour break before tutorial! IKR MY COURSE FOREVER SLACK.

About 3/4 of us went to Grassroots club to eat at naked fish shoppe (SO VULGAR) and we ended up spending most of our break there, talking, camwhoring etc. Most of the pictures are on my fb! The $5 student meal was not bad, we got what we paid for basically ;P Especially Kenji's -no ice- lemon tea roflmao /cheated/

After that we went back to nyp, visit to the south canteen for ice cream! FUSHO SOUTH CANTEEN = ENGINEERING BUILDINGS= PEOPLE FROM ENGINEERING COURSES= GUYS= SHUAIGE /drool/ JAJAJAJAJAJAJA

Then eventually, we went to our classroom, bothered the seniors for a bit cos we really ran out of things to do already, and lecture began.. After lecture we took class photo!

Kenji and his liverpool and khai modelling.

Khai's gay pose. You guys should've seen him modelling.

Alright thats all, most of the pictures in my fb~ Gonna spazz about woojung couple now! JAJAJAJAAJ BANJI = JANGWOO FTW

030; orientation

2011-04-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

HI! (^__^)/~ Today was my orientation! So in the morning I went over to a bus stop near Mak Long's house and waited for Kak Fizah~ Her husband sent us to school hehehe. Along with her friend. So bla3, got separated to our courses and sat beside this girl. She was talking to the girl beside her so I didn't want to interrupt lah. Then got this indian malaysian girl. When I ask she said she was in nursing. So eventually she went lah, so this guy sat beside me. Nice guy. Something else to be revealed later on hehe. So eventually made friends with the girl beside me and 2 other girls, Nicole, Madeline and Atikah. Also saw the girl who I wished good luck to during the NCSS interview. I never ask for the guy's name but we still talk2 ah. Then idk how lah me madeline nicole talk a lot, discuss etc etc. The performances were ok, but i was particularly tickled by the fashion show xD 8 people selected by the seniors to do a fashion show, with random things, and one of the guys chosen was from our course, Michael. Tall. Also nice guy. I got into the same group as him later on during the games. So bla3, a lot of talking with the new friends ah. Then went to tutorial room. Got eat, discuss, laugh, intro, get timetable etc. So here we got to know the guy beside me was a Japanese, Kenji. Nyahahahaha. Then our mentor said time intro have to say what you like to eat, after finish, then he explained lah why he asked for favourite food. He said he likes to meet us one on one and blanja us and talk to us. I go say I like koko crunch with milk. Then everyone laughed. Koko crunch is no joke man, I can finish a whole box in a day if got milk. Then otw back to sports hall I talk to Hamizah, the girl i met at ncss. Nice nice cute girl haha but we got separated again according to the coloured bands we got. Back to Nicole Madeline haha and Winsome and Michael and some others. Oh and the girl i met at SATA! Wah fate sia same group as her. The games were jsdbfkuhsfbuhfsdnjf and kak fizah called me during the first game to say she cabot already so I join ah. Cos I think got dance after that and the other programs were just irrelevant and everybody looked sian already. Overall I give today a 7.5/10? I like the making new friends part. School starting already on Monday and we have yet another "orientation" for the SS students organized by the seniors. I think confirm got wet games cos they say to bring extra clothes. Later I ask ishak if i got any questions ah. But the program 2-8 seh confirm by then I dead already I think I'll take taxi or sth. Before that got lecture some more. Naseb start kol 11 but i have to come earlier to settle some stuff. & Idk how or why or what happened that made me sick rn. Suddenly sia. I think i become vulnerable to the flu whenever I'm tired. Timetable! Tuesday no school HEHEHEHE. Monday quite relaxed. Wednesday really chiong ah schedule damn full. Thursday balek cepat! Friday not bad. Wednesday ah FUSHOOO MAN IDEK WHEN RECESS. need to eat before the day starts if not confirm faint. This post has too much singlish feel. Talking singlish the whole day ah, really affects how you think also. Oh & i got accepted for scholarship! Idk from which company and after the briefing about scholarships i got scared cos the money that we have to pay back if we decide to quit halfway.. Whoa. Tros mcm reluctant. Okay thats it im in too much pain gonna sleep even though its 9pm shjdbfjsdhfb who cares. BYEYBYEEE.

029; mischief managed

2011-04-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

Hai. In a neutral mood today. Losing something, especially something that i bought with my hard-earned money, really pisses me off. I have a feeling of the person who took it. In the beginning i was all calm about it because i know it'd show up soon but morning came and the person still hasn't fessed up yet so yes i got so pissed. Kalau nak tipu, tengok tempat lah ye? You don't know how meaningful that item was for me. I know I put it in my drawer and after you came back, it was gone and the next moment, you asked to borrow it when you very well know you took it. So this morning was my revenge for you. I'm not stupid. I have a perfectly good memory. I may not be naturally clever but I worked exceptionally hard to get to where I am right now. Next topic. Everyone is going through their orientation! HBFSHJKSHFBSF I CAN'T WAIT FOR MINE. Y MAI ORIENTATION SO LATE NIA. I want to meet my course mates~ I guess I'm used to making friends. From maarif to irsyad to jc to mwti to fan gatherings to concerts hehe. Yesterday, I went out with Jana to shop. Where else other than Bugis. But first we ate at eighteenchef. WHBDJHSBDI JAJAJAJAJA AWESOME FOOD, 2 hours after eating there I was craving for the same thing OTL. Gonna go there again. Soon. If I end school early. HAHAHA. So first we headed to buy the 3 for $5 accessories, the bugis tradition! Confirm if go bugis must head there first! Then walked aimlessly looking for nice stuff. We went to iluma too but the place held too many memories of us pathetically looking for jobs and the memories were hilarious xD Went home after that. I was supposed to pick up my student card on that day but I didn't even know (mainly because i didn't read the enrollment guide properly OTL) and didn't came prepared with the necessary documents so I didn't go. I slept at 5am ytd (or today) so that I could finish reading a fic. Its been so long since I read one! So now my eyes are very swollen. jnzfjsnjf.hjsdbfkjhdsbjds. I woke up to a phone-less bed so of course Nazhir took it and found out that he spammed Jana and Aliah's inboxes and took lots of crappy idk what pictures -____- What he spammed Aliah with, violent lagi! HAHAHA. Klaka lah. Lps tu die ter-on my aircon abeh terkejot sendiri. Cute lah. He didn't piggyback ride us ytd though, so that was an improvement! Alright then. Off reading again. Sayonara!

028; jeepers

2011-04-11T03:12:00.000-07:00

Yo. Yo yo yo~~! It's a Monday! & What does it mean? Yes? Yes? Monday! BLUEEESSSSS. Orientation is this friday and I'm feeling neutral about it. I'm worried about the over-exposure of legs truthfully, confirm double confirm plus chop 98% of girls will be wearing shorts and everyone knows a woman's aurat is from her belly to her thighs. Yeah. Hope I'll make good friends there anyway. Another thing confirm is that my orientation got hundreds of people. Mainly because its mixed with the nursing students and the nursing course's intake are o___o So yeah. Bismillah. Idk what else to do at home besides dramas. I gave up on secret garden because the video hosting sites were being dsnkfjnsidjfn again and it wont load the whole video. So i resorted to episode summaries. WITH pictures >:D Still made me spazz though hehe. Idk what sort of personality should I present to a new school. Quiet? Siao? Loner? Straightforward? Jajajajaja whatever too tired to think about this. I pray that throughout these 3 years I will still be a good muslimah and stick to my principles no matter how bad peer pressure kicks in. Amin. Alright back to drama. 18chefs tomorrow!

-

2011-04-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

I know who I am in your hearts.. It's not that much but still I'm thankful. 11 years passed and I've yet to find my true friend. Not that I don't regard you all as my true friends but all you guys have this one friend that you share everything and anything with, no secrets at all. The first person that you'll ask for advice, the first person you tell about your day, the first person, friend, for everything. Unfortunately I have yet to find that person. Until then, I'll keep it all to myself. I've been trying to forge that kind of relationship with lots of people but in the end I'm still the third wheel. That's why I open up easily to people but I don't get the same response.. Kind of depressing isn't it?

2 more days. Let's just get it over with. I'm tired of keeping up a happy face. I'm tired of everything.

027; saturday

2011-04-02T10:19:00.000-07:00

Today is saturday. Working day. I felt a little moody today.

Just kept doing my job quietly, sometimes joining in the fun, sometimes laughing, sometimes complaining, sometimes wanting to kill people..

Today I felt like killing One Less Lonely Girl because of the unfairness. Idk why. I hate being moody. Maybe because we were short-handed today with a lot of people not coming just now. But I just sang the moodiness off as usual. Singing really makes my mind blank. So it sort of cures the hectic mess in my mind temporarily.

School is starting in a few weeks, idrk how to react. How to make friends, who to make friends with, how to act, how to not act, etc. Honestly I think prayers are the only time when my heart's at ease lately. With work, I don't really get to spend time with my family.. Especially on Saturdays when they go out without me, like today :( I came back home to a mini trampoline and a race track. Now guess whose room those toys are stuffed in? Mine? BINGO. Dad has decided to make my room into a playroom OTL I knew this would happen ;__;

The one week before school reopens, I will spend an hour everyday jogging, seriously. Every day I've been eating sotong ball for breakfast, the Old Chang Kee auntie always remembers me and prepares sotong ball first.

I feel lonely. Left out. I know I have all these friends but they don't.. NEED ME. Like, life would go on like normal without me. They don't need me to go to for their problems, or just share gossip, or ask me out for an outing.. I'm basically useless in their lives, I don't provide them humour or advice or anything just cusses and cusses and endless cusses. I usually just like to listen to whatever you're saying. I'm not the first or second or third person they think of when they want to go out, or when something good/bad happens to them, I'm not the first few people they choose to inform, when they're bored I'm not the first few people that they will disturb. & Trust me, all these facts are true because I've witnessed it myself. I've been feeling like this for a long time now, idk if its irrational or I just expected too much out of 3/2 year friendships. I just feel really pathetic rn. I treasure my friendship with all of you so much but there's just this wall that I can't break through to all of you. Mainly because I've only known you all for like, 3, 2 years and I guess you don't feel comfortable enough to share anything with me? Huh. I've been trying so hard to fit in throughout these 3 years.

It's been heartwrenchingly painful, truly an emotional rollercoaster. & sometimes its too overwhelming, so don't mind the emo-ing. & because I'm trying too hard thats why sometimes I might pass off as bitchy/flirty/etc so I apologise if I have ever pissed you guys off. I think I care about impressions too much. Minus 10 points to me then.

With poly starting, I feel like it's back to square one, having to make friends again, trying to fit in again, now the more difficult with people of different races and religions. Let's just hope I'll make it through without any emotional breakdowns. Those moments are the most painful, by far. It's the kind of pain that no matter what you do, scream, shout, poo, you can't get rid of it and it will keep haunting you.

Argh. I just don't take emotional problems well. At all. How the hell do I become a social worker. Ok wait, I don't really have any intention of being one. If I do get the scholarship, I don't feel like accepting it because I don't feel.. ikhlas towards it. My interest in social work is not.. ikhlas (no, i can't find a suitable English word for it). If I can't keep in control of my emotions, how do I help people control theirs? I love to just, listen, study, memorise. Not handle people. I doa that my poly years will be smooth sailing without me being fickle and doubtful again like now.

I should've just picked biotech. Pft. The worst thing that can happen is me not being satisfied with social work, and go into poly again to take a more general course. Stupid TP never even give me the enrollment package even though i got accepted into Law&Managament and now after the due date to accept, it wrote there as declined or something automatically. Sucks right? I don't really have a backup plan besides studying psychology, and now that everything I've been working so hard for backfired, I'm at a lost. At first I felt demotivated. I really wanted to study psychology and no matter how much that social worker tried to deter me away from psychology, no one can pry me away from it. But now I just feel like forcing myself to just do it and don't make things hard for my parents. I've caused them enough trouble already and I cannot do that anymore especially with Nazhir's condition rn.

3 more days left for work, and the timing has changed from 0830-0700 to 0830-0500! Alhamdulillah! More time to rest! I can also start exercising properly! Alhamdulillah. Alright then, it's almost 3am already. It's been a long time since I wrote a proper blog post. I think I need a psychiatrist to just listen to my crap and advise me. Anyone knows how much it costs?

Okay then. Lail sa'eed. Sayonara.

026; busy and aching

2011-03-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Work started and omfg I've never been this tired. After the first day, my hand started swelling and it hurt so bad that I didn't come the next day. But today I came, and it was fun xD Now that everyone is familiar with each other, can bully and complot together already against auntie eye-power. And today, we discovered the pantry! The toilet got pipe! No more bottles for me! Can throw already!

I didn't stay for OT because, well, I was tired and I wanted to go home and finish watching paradise ranch. Some stayed though, including astroboy. Today Justin almost lost his iphone. He did for a while but he found it. And we were talking about him in front of him in Malay but I think he knew lah because we point2 at him so we ask lah, eh you dont mind we talk about you is it? Cos earlier on we laughed so hard when Jana said he looked like the old version of mickey mouse when he removed his glasses and I translated for him and he said he didnt care xD So ape lagi, sambong! And astroboy is aware of our nickname for him already.. So we just call him astroboy from now on.

I went home and checked my email just now. and turns out i got shortlisted for the ncss scholarship by 2 companies, rotary family services centre and whispering hearts family services centre, scheduled for an interview on the 30th. Have to take leave. Idk what to prepare seh. Never really went for an interview for this sort of thing, and I'm not really confident in myself about being a social worker.

Will prepare for it on Sunday I guess, will be working on other days, too tired.. 20 minutes per interview. What on earth will they be asking for 20 minutes T___T Oh well. Will slowly prepare for it. Insya allah kheir.

Now back to paradise ranch. Adios.

025; work!

2011-03-21T05:25:00.001-07:00

HELLO~

Work starts tomorrow! T___T Won't have time to do anything because its from 0830am to 0700pm.. Until April. If it wasn't for the money I wouldnt have even wanted to continue but.. hurrr. I need shoes. But nvm, since the work is infested with antisocials so its gonna be fun~ I hope I lose some weight since I wont have time to exercise with work.. Hurrr. Plus i need to sleep early from now on..

Johor was alright. Did my shopping. But of course, I can never stop shopping even after that. Gmarket punye pasal.

Today I went out to SATA and library to borrow books on autism.

And thats all. Idk what else to write about. Life isn't all that exciting lately. Hah.

Adios amigos~

024; brother

2011-03-14T02:52:00.000-07:00

My baby brother Nazhir is autistic :(

Yup, mom went to KKH today to get him checked up and he was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). We were getting worried since he still isn't talking.. So yeah. Thinking of tagging along during his hospital visits cos mom said social workers were the ones doing the job! Cool right~

Today I went to Bedok to get meds, originally wanted to go SATA too to finish my medical checkup but we still didn't know how to get there besides taking the taxi.. After that we went to buy Mee Goreng Mamak again hehehehe addicted already OTL

Currently using new laptop. Hopefully it won't spoil. Trauma already. A bright lime green vaio :D Very big, if watch movie really enjoy ah. But I'm keeping the downloading to a minimum. Mostly just watch movies and dramas ah. Pray it won't spoil OTL

Going Johor tomorrow afternoon! 3D2N for another shopping trip, focusing mostly on~~~ MEEE! Poly wardrobe revamp hehe. Tunggu je, aku beli banyak bende esok! But since we're going at around 3, tomorrow just enjoy hotel facilities only aka SWIMMINGGGG~~ and gym for me xD Haven't packed yet.. Tonight ah..

Alright thats all~ Continue watch horror movie. Body#19~

Ciao~

023; appreciate life

2011-03-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

First of all, I strongly recommend all of you to watch this. Personally, after watching this, I think I broke my own record of how fast I can cry. I think I started crying like, 3 seconds after the child started having difficulties.

See how he cried out in frustration when not able to stand up? Watch how his smile never left his face even though he couldn't see something that was right in front of him? There's another video which shows him 10 days prior his death. Please watch that too, especially towards the end.

Truly a precious child. Please please please appreciate your lives, your family, your friends, everyone, while you're still alive and never go astray. When something is wrong, turn to the only one who can help, Allah s.a.w. Prayers to those affected by the earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan and the other countries. Alhamdulillah, my cousins in Japan are doing well, they will be returning to Singapore next Friday, Insya Allah.

Ahh. Need to emo for a bit.

Have a safe and blessed trip to those going umrah tomorrow and those going for holidays next week! Abah says we'll be going Johor next week for 3 days. I aim for the gym at the hotel hehe.

I'm still trying to contact Afiqah, my old buddy at Maarif.. So difficult and I just got to know she went to the IT fair on the same day that I did but I didn't catch her there OTL So if anyone knows how to contact her, please do tell? Hehe thank you!

Ahh off to continue Buzzer Beat. Hehe just now I watched Psychic with Kang Dongwon and Gosu, awesome one! Kang dongwon acted his part so beautifully T___T not to mention his deep sexy voice! Come to think of it, Kim Soohyun(Dream High's Samdong) has a deep voice comparable to him but Kang Dongwon's voice is sort of edgier. Anyway, nice movie. Its a thriller though. I found this website with LOAAADS of latest movies, ALL HORROR MOVIES, imagine my excitement! Will put drama marathon on hold specially for them, unless I get too paranoid like after I watched Khurafat. But that was a Malay movie and I am particularly very scared of malay movies compared to others. Its just scarier.

Today I went out with Jannah to the IT fair~ Then walked around Suntec (avoiding Guardian at all costs), and marina square, then I was too tired and went to Pasir ris library to return and borrow some books and went home.

I met Aisyah too at the IT fair! Hehehe and Linati too and someone was with her I didn't catch who, we were talking while the escalator was moving (both different directions) hehe suddenly I miss wearing the purple uniform xD

Alright then.. Will update again when I feel like it~

Ciao~

022; live life!

2011-03-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

HELLO!

Ahaha! I've been watching jdramas lately, so I'm in a great mood :D I wasn't a few days ago but all is well.. I think. I like being happy. I like being entertained by dramas. It helps me, idk, learn from other people and mature? I guess so.

USS was fun! I had to go home early and got mad because of that but I guess I'm better now. I still want to go again. Not satisfied! Had so much fun with them!~ & I'll wear better shoes next time. But my pretty shoes are really comfortable so I don't get why my left ankle is hurting.. Even now. Salah urat ke? But i didnt feel anything before~!

Alright wait, skip this part please i just need to rant for a bit

BODOHBODOHBODOH KO DA PENA TGK KAN KOIZORA KO DA TAU KAN CRITE DIE SEDIH NK MMPOS AND THE LAST TIME KO TGK KO MELALAK RABAK KAN KNAPE OTAK KO DEGIL NAH NK TGK LAGI CRITE NI, KAN DA 230 PAGI KO TGH MELALAK CM NK MMPOS MATA DA LEBAM SGT SMPI DAH JADI SLITS AND ASEK TERIGT BAB2 SEDIH ABEH NANGES LAGI KNAPE DEGIL NAH BODOH MCM XDE DRAMA LAIN GITU KO BOLE TGK PDHL ADE HUNDREDS OF OTHER SHOWS KO BOLE TGK KNPE KO PILIH CRITE YG SO HEARTWRENCHING SMPI KO MELALAK CMNI BODOH BAKA BABO KAN DA XLE STOP NANGES, BANTAL DA BASAH MCM MANE NK TIDO.

AHHH SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF. CEKIK DARAH. DA TAU BAB2 NI KO MELALAK TEROK.

Ahh alright. Warning ah, aku kalau nanges rabak. Igt time tu Mdm Baizah tunjuk cartoon psl leftenan adnannye sacrifice, aku sorang nanges, time cartoon tu dabes sume tgh senyap pstu aku tetibe pekik "TISSSUUEEEE!!! T____T" abeh sume cm o__o itu pon ko nanges?!

I tend to empathise too much.. Too much until i make it personal.. Like its my own burden.. Thats why I'm scared if i choose a job that requires me to not personalize other people's problems, like a counselor, i wont be able to do it.. I've always believed that its crucial for someone to have a person for him/her to share problems with, or you'll really get hurt inside if you keep it all to yourself.. Thats why I always open up to people very easily.. I trust people too easily.. and also the reason why i always like to ask questions about all you people's personal lives OTL sorry if it irks you. it happens naturally, you see. the sudden urge to know about all of your problems and trying to help .__. please please please tell me if it gets irritating so i wont do it to you anymore OTL

I'm thinking of taking the japanese cultural club for cca! But first i have to research on what they actually do lolol if it includes dressing up etc i wont ah. thinking of taking up japanese too but pikir balek, korean blom pro, nk move on xD will be continuing korean soon~ and starting on basic jap kot like what i did years before i started taking classes for korean also that time. masok tros pro xD

So today, as usual, stayed at home and finished off the butler drama after much cussing and kicking my bed while watching. accidentally cussed in front of my dad when he was in my room OTL i was too mad ah watching that drama! it made me so pissed off even after it ended. i mean, why does rihito get mei? he didnt do anything for her! kento deserves her more seh, rihito cabaran die siket je like the 2 duels je abeh saje je ckp at the end yg its mei's cabaran so she has to handle it herself and dalah die sepak mei abeh x ckp sorry!!! aku paleng benci laki yg pukol pmpn. so in the end, i didnt really like that drama. i liked the izumi and miruku characters though. but to be honest, of course i only continued watching that drama because of mizushima hiro hehehehehehe die hensem. his cleft! ive never seen a celebrity with a cleft that deep! so nice! his eyes also! pity die da kawen! Really shocked when i got to know he was married! dalah bebual english sexy gile and fluent pulak tu! FUYOOO RARE OI.

Next will be stalking Oguri shun's dramas. Dabes stalk mizushima xD blm habes ah but malas nk go through his dramas, byk sgt OTL Dalah time tgk crite butler asek pause video, bebual sorang jap betapa hotnye laki ni, pastu play balek xD

and i vow never to watch koizora and maundy thursday and a moment to remember ever ever again those are the movies that made me cry every time i watched no matter how many times ive watched, ill always cry as if its my first time.

koizora was bad seh. halfway i kept crying even before the sad bit started because i suddenly remembered how the movie was going to end and kept pausing to cry and eventually crying for 3 parts straight OTL

Ah its 3am. I need to sleep. I want to jog tomorrow but my ankle still hurts. I think I sprained something, really hurts seh when I walk. Hyuuu~

Ahh I admit, I still get the jitters when my phone vibrates. Oh well, time to move on right? Can't keep looking back at the past! Fighting! Ganbatte! Will improve on the phone thing soon~~

SAYONARA TOMODACHI~~

さよなら友達!

(hehehe finally da tuka!)

ps/: I cut my hair xD at first i only cut bangs (spur of the moment thing, idk if i regretted it but sometimes it looks nice xD) but eventually went to the hairdresser to cut it short. really short. shortest that ive gotten. roughly around chin length. exactly like IU's in marshmellow mv lolol. as usual, had a chat with the hairdresser, she ceritakan psl anak2 die sume xD and another hairdresser remembered me! the one who attended to me for hair treatment the other day xD waaahh! da lama x nmpk my first hairdresser when i first when there~ the blonde thin one. wonder where she went~ i really liked her! the people there very friendly! ok this ps is getting too long xDDD

---

2011-03-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

I logged on just to write one word.

YAMAPIIIIIII ♥♥♥♥

021; destiny

2011-02-24T08:14:00.001-08:00

NDOHUSBDUHDBUVSHFOSHOSFH.

Okay, so FINALLY I decided to settle my poly enrollment papers. Too many papers! I went through one by one, and left the rest to my parents. Then the online thing and the payment. Did all of that, got pissed off because I still had to pay a thousand plus because god knows why even though i already selected PSEA I still had to pay and extra $1100.

So yes. I finished all of that (after much assurance from my parents to just pay the thousand plus) and proceeded with watching videos and other what not. Criminal Minds hehe Reid started playing the piano ^_^ ANYWAY.

I decided to check my DAE status application just for fun, I expected it to still be under consideration because the person incharge emailed me after I applied that the results will be out from early March to Mid April.

SEKALI.

Status; Successful

APE LAGI AKU PANIC AH! I JUST PAYED FOR NYP'S SEMESTER BECAUSE I EXPECTED THE RESULTS TO BE OUT AFTER MY NYP ENROLLMENT WAS DUE! AND NOW THIS POPS OUT!

& I really don't know what to do.

Social sciences is a very humble course, about helping other people and stuff, but the job scope isn't that wide.. I'm scared that I won't get like, a job or land in a university after getting the diploma. Plus, social work, most of the organizations are non-profit..

Law on the other hand has a wide scope but I'm worried if the job requires me to defend bad people or something, or subahat. I know I can become something else OTHER than a lawyer but I'm not so sure now.

Tbh, before my appeal results, I solat istikarah and dreamt that I got into law, but then irl i got accepted into social sciences. Now, I'm accepted into law also :/

It's after midnight and I feel like waking my mum up T___T but I know what she'll say, its all up to me. Plus I already payed so they'll most probably support SS. But if they do let me choose, and if I really have bad luck with these kind of situations and we can't get a refund, and we waste about a thousand plus dollars because I chose law, I think I'll die of guilt.

Some more Dad kept reassuring me its okay and that they already set aside money for my education so it wont matter if we have to pay extra because of the psea thing. i was so worked up. I will feel so guilty if all that money is wasted. Could be saved for buying furniture for the new house sia. Like an aircon in my room. I'm happy if my room consisted of a mattress and aircon. No table no chair as long as got aircon.

Why do I always have the luxury of choosing? Can't everything just be set in stone and layed out in front of me so I can just follow? I really DESPISE choosing. I'll be too busy setting out the advantages and disadvantages and eventually come to a conclusion that both are equal and get so distressed i feel like peeing every other minute and ripping my precious hair off.

I HATE BEING BORN IN OCTOBER. I HATE BEING A LIBRAN.

Librans are so fixated in finding equality that eventually leads to indecisiveness.

OKAY PEOPLE READING THIS POST.

Please either sms me or tweet me or fb me your opinions please. Unfortunately, Librans ALSO consider GREATLY people's opinions more than their own, so yeah.

020; MARIO MAURER

2011-02-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

Hi there!

I woke up feeling so pissed! Why? You know the resolution I made in the previous post? PFT, I HAD A DREAM ABOUT IT! I dreamt that the person suddenly contacted me again and gave reasons etc, and I was SO CONVINCED that it was real, it's one of those dreams where you really think it's happening but then I woke up. Then I got pissed because that dream definitely IS NOT help me with phase 2. I'm still angry about everything :

Anyway, I finished the English bit of Abah's assignment. Will start on Malay one tomorrow. Tiring but, I want the money.

I GOT MY SHOES TODAY!

NICE RIGHT?! THESE are the correct pair that I wanted to buy previously! Came with 3 pairs of shoelaces too excluding the white one on the shoes itself. Hehehe. Next, I want to buy a white pair. So can use with the shoelaces that I have. Almost all colours xD Except purple, brown and orange? Hehe. This obsession with shoes is very satisfying.

So today wasn't really beneficial :/ I didn't do a lot. Didn't even finish watching Phineas and Ferb!

OH BUT I DID WATCH THIS AWESOME THAI MOVIE "A little thing called love" & IT WAS SO AWESOMEZXZXZXZ. THE TWIST WAS SO UNEXPECTED IT HAD ME SCREAMING AND KICKING MY BED OTL And it stars Mario Maurer. HEHEHEHEHE. Thai guys.. Not bad.. Ok, what was I thinking, dude, KHUN. KHUN=THAI. PFT. KHUN=ANGEL FACE. Ahaha its a highschool romance movie and god knows how much I love those movies!

Oh. Suddenly craving those cinnamon melts. I miss buying that and the $1 coke and lepak-ing at mcdonalds there. Maybe I should go there tomorrow? & like, try asking for a job? Oh I want to register for kclass again too....

Oh mak kau, lupe nk apply utk scholarship OTL esok esok OTL Malas nk scan ah... Haven't even gotten my confirmation letter.

Ahahaha this discussion again. How Siraaj looks like Minho. Please lah. Sama seh. HAHAHAHA. Nazihah mati2 ckp x sama. Even bdk mwti notice seh muke die mcm minho. Even tinggi nk mmpos mcm minho. Try cmpk gambar kt knetizens, tgk ape drg ckp lolol.

I still have to slowly let loose of these paranoid feelings whenever I check my email and whenever my phone vibrates because honestly whenever I do, I get so disappointed afterwards :( It really affects my mood sometimes.

I think I found a way to stop cussing! I should replace those cusses with strong complex english vocabulary that further expresses the way I'm feeling instead of curse words! Amcm, awesome x? Pandai x? HEHE AKU TAU ^__^ So next stop, dictionary! Oh no I think I want to buy GP books. I like GP : Its very fascinating.

You know, I think whats been bugging me the most is how I really don't believe that the person is THAT kind of person. I don't think the person is THAT mcm tergamak utk buat cmni. Like, maybe there's a reason? Because, tgk je perangai die, ade ke krg expect die nk buat bende cmni? hmm? x kan? idek anymore..

Which reminds me. Need to change my blog link. I already changed my twitter name so yeah. No more of this "contractor". Which also reminds me, I still have the contractor picture in my phone and the stalker pictures in my computer. :/ Bye bye everything.

Alright then. Quite late. Actually, no, it's only 12:35 HAHAHA My sleeping time is still weird after Os, when the average time that I slept at was like 2~3am so I'm still getting used to sleeping whenever I want. I have frequent naps now. Just basically watching random mvs (big bang mostly) and suddenly falling asleep :

Ah! I have a problem! Idk whether to cut my hair or not :/ It's not that long, just slightly after my shoulder but suddenly after watching IU's Marshmellow MV, I missed having short hair! The feeling of freedom when I had short hair, fushooo! But then again, IU's hair is straight so it looks nice like that, but I have very wavy hair, no hope of straightening, I TRIED, it will take hours to straighten, so i dont think it'll look nice on me. Even considering straight bangs but not too thick but then again, i remember how irritating bangs were, I grew them out for the last 2 years I think, it now chin length but its still irritating because I cant tie it up without having clips. & bangs increases the chances of having a pimple infested forehead again. My forehead is now clean and I don't want it getting infested again.

Ah I didn't eat dinner again. Nor did I eat lunch. Oh well. Lose weight. Haha! Like that's gonna happen. My breakfast usually are granola bars and cereal and keropok. After that I rarely eat anything else until the next day.

I MISS MY UNCLE SUDDENLY HAHA MAMU MAN WHEN YOU GONNA COME AND URUT MY BACK AGAIN?! And I also miss my late aunt. I remember how she absolutely adored coming over and play with baby nazhir and she frequently did too since she lives a river away (literally).. Sigh. She tutored me maths before too. And gave me lots of advices since she was one of my more educated aunts. How she always saved me from her cat at her house. Her wearing her baju butterfly everytime I came by haha! Always offered me to eat dinner with them after having tuition. We were really close to her. Her death was a shock to all of us, so young. I cried for a month every night, no joke. I loved her :( when I came back to school, really ah, I sulked every day for about 2 weeks.

Overall, I love my family! Exceptionally close to my relatives on my mum's side. Love to disturb them. My girl cousins all so fun. My guy cousins all so gentleman. Hehe they also have an array of occupations so I can always call for help. I have genius cousins, nurse cousins, teacher cousins (A LOT), future chef cousin, photographer cousins, future engineer cousins, police cousins, racecar driver cousin (yes for real hohoho!), and a lot more. Many resources hehe. And my beautiful nieces and nephews! <33>

Oh, i've been writing for an hour already, off to take my meds and sleep.

Adios amigos :D

019; a new beginning!

2011-02-18T03:45:00.000-08:00

The last post was a little depressing but, here I am! As happy (slightly) as I can be~ Why? Hehe, first of all, CONGRATULATE ME!

I am in the process of.. How should I put it.. Leaving behind my past? Finally, I got tired of waiting, really tired, and if he really really still wanted to be friends then he would have at least made some sort of contact so eventually, I deduced that he doesn't want to do it anymore. So I sent one last email and, tadah! I am a free woman going through phase 1 of leaving it all behind. No strings attached? That, I don't know.

Moving on!

Being a potato couch isn't that bad.. If you have food.. And when I say potato couch, it's literally couch as in my bed is the couch that can turn into a bed thing. I rarely ever leave my room except to eat and go to the toilet or play with Nazhir though hehe. Maybe I'll go to the library tomorrow?

Groceries are running low.. Pdhl it was just a few days ago that we went grocery shopping..

I finally have a few plans for next week! Going to yishun for a bit on Monday, maybe dropping by somewhere after that.. To avoid further nsidfnwruifnjkzsd moments, I'll just pass the stuff to my sister to give Syakirin later on.. Then to the dermatologist on Tuesday/Wednesday for my monthly visit.. And for this Sunday, for SSS maybe? Se7en yo! Don't get me wrong, I've completely layed off the stalking/crazing for kpop thing but this is free mah. Rezeki. And I only spazz for TVXQ(+JYJ), DGNA, Beast and IU only okay .__. and maybe Big Bang..

But no more of this everywhere anywhere talk kpop! I swear! I made a vow to stop all of that madness! But with the exception of the above named artists. OMIBHSUIHSB JYJ CONCERT GDI I AM SO BUYING THE MOST EXPENSIVE TICKETS (even though, personally their english songs sucked except for a few. They should have promoted Empty but I guess because a renowned rapper featured in Ayyy Girl they decided to promote that..?) . ANYWAY JYJ <3 I WANT TO LISTEN TO EU KYANG KYANG LIVE!

Just now music bank (I thought seungri was on so I watched -__-), backstage, secret and tvxq. When I first read on the screen that the backstage interviewees were tvxq I 100% totally expected a 5:4 ratio of people (ie tvxq:secret) then suddenly the camera zoomed out and I was crestfallen to see only 2. I totally forgot tvxq consisted of 2 just now. Like, seriously, no kidding I expected jaejoong's blond hair, junsu's cheeky smile, yoochun's sexy expression, yunho's confident stance and changmin's mismatched eyes but I only got 2 out of 5 :( SAD LIFE SIA.

I'll try finishing Abah's assignment by tonight Insya Allah, if my stomach stops giving me an attitude. Horrible stomachaches. Felt like puking but alhamdulillah I didn't because I remember the last time I puked. A week in bed with that excruciating fever. We don't want that to happen again would we...

Oh just now the social sciences lecturer from NYP called regarding scholarships.. Introed me to the scholarships available etc. She's very nice! I think because the class is small, she remembers most of her students because I mentioned Ishak's name when she asked me about how I got to know about the course since I didn't go for NYP's open house..

Mom popped a shocking question last night; "What if you got law & management?" Tros aku cm O___O alamak. Then I really dont know what to settle on. I got myself mentally prepared for law before the appeal results but SEKALI i got social science! Both courses have their own benefits and losses so idrk :/ Oh well.

March holidays will be heading to Johor i think for my poly shopping and house setting up~ By end of this year insya allah everything will be fine for the johor house~ Can't wait! Still haven't decided on anything for my room.

Alright then, all the best for myself and to all of you!
ADIOS AMIGOS!

/untitled

2011-02-13T06:21:00.000-08:00

Why am I still angry?

Why can't I stop being so angry? Why can't I just forget everything and move on?

Why is it left hanging, with no ending, no explanations, no nothing?

Being so angry all the time is very emotionally draining, and I'm tired of this.

But I can't stop being angry unless I get at least some form of explanation.

So please, please, please. Just, say something to me. Please.

018; shopping!

2011-02-12T05:11:00.000-08:00

Salaam to all my fellow readers (if i do have them)!

I FINALLY WENT OUT TODAY! Firstly to blanja Aminah, Farah and Sarah KFC at Bishan (Fortune feast, fullamak, kenyang beb) and secondly, a date with the rapist (guess who).

Tiring day, afraid to say I spent around $100 shopping today. Fruitful! But I want more shoes OTL I'm more satisfied with my shoes compared to the rest that I bought hehe. What couldn't be avoided was the fact that one of them were pink xD INEVITABLE!

No more shopping for me (except shoes) until we go Johor!

That is actually all that happened just now :/

I need to pick up a hobby.

& still depressed. y u do this to me ;__; i feel like nothing to you rn. who r u to make me feel like this.

cb ah, adios amigos.

017; hehe

2011-02-11T04:16:00.000-08:00

HELLLLOOOOOOOO $20 KFC VOUCHER! hehehehehehe but blanja-ing Aminah and Farah because I managed to get into poly, looong story.

Hmm, in a slightly better mood these days. Sometimes I wonder whether I chose the right path, whether social sciences is really for me, but tawakkal je lah. I'll do my best! Really testing my strength lately. These times I really need antisocials but T___T Hengh.

"You'll be fat in 2 months."

Evil right, my dad T____T Should I find a job? A really easy job........ But i want to enjoy my holidays before school starts... But then...

I can't think of anything else to write about.. I still feel depressed... But at least I laughed today.. I want to go shopping but abah says go johor then revamp wardrobe.. I want to order shoes online but something is wrong with my gmarket... Problem ah. I want shoes man.. Shoes... Pretty shoes.........

OK then. Movie time~

ADIOS~ AMIGOS~

016; at ease

2011-02-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

AH! Too many things happened! IDK WHERE TO START! Summary first then today's events.

Err, I went to school. As usual. So I was in mwti for 3.5 days? Record ah, seriously. I got accepted into social sciences at NYP (skola sama pe ngn kakak aku, haha tp by the time i enter, she will be gone already), and today, I withdrew from mwti.

Ok, starting from the top. Actually Monday got something happen also. But I don't want to elaborate here, nor anywhere else (except twitter lah) because I'm still pissed off about it. Like, I don't think I've been this mad + disappointed + etc with someone so long. I'm trying to, well, cool down and just drop everything, but too many memories. Too many to drop at one time. I.. don't think I'll wait anymore. OK! Enough with the cryptic paragraph!

Today was my last day at mwti. I ran for the bus today, because it was too cold, and I wanted some heat T__T Its been really cold lately, with the addition of all my classes being held in a fully air-conditioned lecture theatre and classrooms. I'm not the sort who can tahan the coldness :/ Anyway yeap, reached school early, actually not that early just not borderline timing as usual. Today was the first day of separation of the preu1s. WHICH, equals to me being alone in a room full of guys again!

Awkward moment waiting for the juniors to take their stuffs and leave, and wait for the ukhrawi class to settle down.. Then finally the academic people went into our classroom. Tros cm.. mane aku nk dudok.. Settled down, and the preu2 acad guys went into our classroom to chat and lepak. Talk2. Clean2. Copy2 (GP homework). Scheme2. Hassan scaring me again. Irritating sia dietu ngn crite hantu die. Something also happened in reference to the 3rd paragraph of this post but I won't.. write it down here. Siraaj ah basket btol.. Gp homework, budak irsyad will forever be budak irsyad, copy membuta. Da normal ah. And Nash telling me to sweep the floor. But of course aku x gerak pon. Diri, gerak2kan meja je hahahahaha~ at last zul yg sapu.

Ustazah Rozanna came in, intro herself and ourselves. Bla3. Kacau Nash. Best. "& I like pink" He said. "Oh cmtu, knape x join maarif? haha" Ustzh. "KO NK UNIFORM LAMA AKU??" Me. Hahahahaahah~ Then some more free periods, one extra since our maths teacher didn't come. Talked about amaths, irk results, arabic, english. How Zul didn't sign my Maths Class A paper thing during our last lesson. I uploaded the picture on fb xD Nk tag zul kt empty space x? haha!

At the end of the day, i went to the office to withdraw myself from the school. Went home after that. Go mcd and buy food. Hungry ttm ah. So tu life story aku for today.

Smlm? Aku x igt... Monday, this one event je.. Again, reference to 3rd paragraph so it won't be written here.. I feel like re-reading my grad book xD I havent finished writing it..

Haven't decided what to do next, find a new job or accompany nazhir at home, the poor kid. Shopping for poly will be done at johor, abah said.

So overall, alhamdulillah, everything turned out well despite the setbacks.. Grateful for the chances that I've been given. Currently content and happy :)

Okay, scratch that, my heart still feels really heavy about paragraph 3, its been.. a week, i've been feeling like this. I thought it'd be long before it came back but i thought wrong .__. Idk what to think anymore. I want explanations but apparently i don't deserve it due to the lack of communication which is totally not because of me, because i'm on fb, twitter, msn, phone 24/7 and i TRIED ok, I TRIED! I'm not cold-hearted until I don't even notice the absence, and be so relaxed about it. I have a heart ok. I worry. I imagine. & I give up.

Really need to stop being so depressed. And pessimistic. I've never been this pessimistic. I've always been optimistic. but ever since results OTL

Free tomorrow onwards, i think i'll visit the library to study or something.

There was a mention about fried chicken today during one of the classes and i almost teared up thinking about eating them. Lovely fried chicken. Nomnomnom.

I. WANT. SEOUL. GARDEN. LAH. SOMEONE. PLEASE. OTL

Alright. Nothing else to do now. I'll be going~

ADIOS AMIGOS XD

(I gave up on the translating thing)

015; ^__^

2011-02-04T06:40:00.000-08:00

The emoticon above reminded me of someone but, oh well.

A lot of happenings since I last posted. Getting my results, getting posted to YJC, going for the orientation, deciding that JC wasn't for me, withdrawing from JC, being so lost in life I felt like giving up, picking myself up and applied for mwti, at the same time appealing for polytechnic. Doa that it all goes well for me as you read on will you? :)

The paragraph above basically sums everything up.. Eh I didn't mention that I was sick during the orientation and ended up going home early, also the same for my first day at mwti. Not on purpose okay. I admit, leaving early from the jc orientation was a tad bit satisfying compared to the other, but both were not on purpose. Darn getting the flu every other month :/ IT'S LIKE A CURSE!

What else? Quitting work (SAD. DEPRESSING. I WANT MONEY).. Tall guy discovering that I was (slightly) stalking him.. That one was like a bullet through the heart man. Pft. I NO ADMIRE U ANYMO.

Poly appeal results will be out on the 8th, haven't decided if I'll be staying in mwti or not for like a month or so if I do get poly, depends. I'd like to study GP for a while but god knows how much I hate sastera. But everything still depends on whether my appeal is accepted. I think I'll get depressed if it doesn't fall through. Must prepare. I've been feeling down ever since JC orientation. Nothing against YJC, the place was awesome and the people there were angels, especially my OGLs but the feeling of guilt when I removed my scarf was too overwhelming+depressing+etc etc that i finally decided upon withdrawal from the jc. If I have other ways of obtaining knowledge without sacrificing what I've been trying so hard to protect since kindergarten, then I'll give my all for it.

So, next is mwti. A last minute decision, I love you Aminah for helping me with it! And who knew.. Who knew I was going to end up with 7 guys in the preu1.2. HILARIOUS KAN? AKU SORANG GIRL. KLAKA KAN? HAHAHAHAHAHA. PLUS!! I also missed the maths and econs diagnostic test thing because I was absent. SICK OK SICK T___T No choice. Will be asking the teacher if I can take the test on Monday.. Aminah said the teacher was also the discipline teacher, so I am...................... nervous. Sucks not having parents to deal with all of this lolol, I never had to even come to school when I applied for Irsyad, A-Z all handled by my mum even yearly book purchases. Time to be independent but I doesn't mean I can't hate being independent hehe. Really sucks. All my moolah. Everything has to be in cash also! Do you know how scary it is to handle hundreds of bucks OTL Its still in my wallet, since I never got a chance to pay what I owe the school currently.

I haven't even purchased the books, mum said not to unless its confirmed that I'm not going to poly. So I'm bookless and uniformless currently. Aminah ni ah, kawan ape ni ko T____T KFC pon xnk..

Currently watching Dream High.. Idek why, I got nothing else to watch. Criminal minds getting suckier by the episode, with less team shots, more of Seaver. God knows how ecstatic i was seeing the 100% negative response from loyal criminal minds fans at the cmblog xD Literally laughed till i rolled on the bed reading the responses. UNITED WE STAND XP

Trying really hard to keep up a happy face these days :/ Its been really hard, especially with less communication with the antisocials :( I MISS YOU ALLLLLLLL!

Hehe I think I'll continue with Dream High, I get really excited listening to Samdong's saturi. I love it when koreans use their saturi, despite them being really embarrassed about it. Y U NO LIKE SATURI?! CHARMING WHAAAAAT! Everytime samdong bebual aku xle angkat seh ketawa, cute sgt xD

Family from KL is here for the holidays, and THUS! we have been eating out a lot hehehehe heaven on earth!

Damn I agree with netizens. Suzy really sucks as an actress, some more she's the lead. I'm looking forward to Samdong and Pilsook-Jason scenes heheheheheh IU <3333>

Anyhow, let's pray that it'll all go well on Monday! and most of all on Tuesday!

ADIOS AMIGOS!

(i need to get translate that to another language -___-)

014; um hi.

2011-01-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

So today.. I did something.. To escape something.. Because I didn't like that something anymore.. Because I wasn't smiley enough.. I got sort of pissed off.. And disheartened.. So yeah. Wednesday will be the day I cut off all ties with something. But unfortunately that same day turned out to be the last day I'll be doing something there also, i just checked, wtf. But i have to, no more excuses left and it'll be too obvious that I'm trying to stay away from that something so yeah hehe. At least I'll get to prepare for jc in the morning!

Finally got my rest today after only 2 days of working my ___ off at Serangoon library. The job is fun cos the people around all around our age and the aunties are cute hehe. BUT the tired bit at the end of the day.. No joke ah. Carry boxes full of books, arranging them, tranferring them to trolleys and stuff. Thank god we have eye candy. Not really ah but their behavior sort of fun to observe.

So Wednesday! Results! HELLLOOOO JC! Totally prepared my mind for JC. Will be appealing for IJC if i get YJC. Because I actually know how to get there, and i have people to refer to about religious stuff and friends there. So yeah. Unless of course YJC turns out to be okay, wallahu a'lam. Will see for myself on thursday :D

I also need to prepare lots of stuff before JC. Like the hair bit and what to wear, restock my pencil box and stuff. Bright pink ok. All. hahahahah~

Today I rested, and watched tvxq stuff. Running man to Banjun dramas to interviews. I resort to this reminiscing whenever I get bored. Helps me keep the faith yknow?

A lot of things happened since i last updated.. S5C10 reunion, work, olevel results.. Wasn't satisfactory but Allah has the best in store for me so, tawakkal and istikharah aje lah! I'm also currently on meds right now to improve my skin :/ Tedious but hope it works! For my hair also OTL darn you hairfall. What else?

Rewatching those amazing performances and trolololol i keep crying -___- Oh well. Working tomorrow, I need to eat my meds and sleep! May tomorrow be a splendid day! Always wake up with a smile because trust me, it does affect your mood the rest of the day ^__^ Especially since it sucks lately to be without friends. Have a good day everyone!

Adios amigos!

013; AKTF

2011-01-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. This year marks the 6th year of tvxq fandom. Even though its just Homin, its.. Okay I guess. As long as SME never announced their disbandment yet, I'll always keep the faith! Lets just regard this as a sub-unit of tvxq aye? ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!

I'm amazed that Changmin improved his vocals a lot, he's able to control his voice way better now. Yunho is of course isubdfhoiasufhiasu awesome and I think Changmin won't stop growing OTL He's a bit kerek in this MV lolololol Mcm org kaya, not that he's not one, I mean, look at how he dances, very slick and composed compared to the old times hahahah. I HAVE to watch their comeback on Friday! MUST! I WILL RUN LIKE A MONKEY TO WATCH THEM!!!!

Results in less than a week. IDEK. Aku mcm da give up dah. definitely results terok. Oh well. Retake pon retake. Klao btol2 x satisfying.

Back to Cardcaptor Sakura! Adios!

012; cm rant

2011-01-01T03:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, I HAD to do this. My rant on Seaver and Reid.

Tbh I don't like Seaver, she doesn't seem to have a character of her own, right now shes just a murderer's daughter who is trying to put herself into the middle of the whole team/show suddenly and I don't like that. It doesn't help that garcia teased reid about liking her too, it seems too soon and too out of the blue. and they just had to pick a pretty blond.. Reminds me too much of JJ :/

Plus, both Prentiss and Rossi had this immediate likeable effect, they had strong characters from the beginning so it was easy to accept them into the team but Seaver had a weak first impression for me

My comment on youtube. Its just too soon for cbs to be having a relationship between Reid and Seaver or even a slight mutual attraction between them, I mean come on, JJ, Reid's closest friend on the team JUST LEFT and they're putting Seaver in, who shows a slight resemblance to JJ, blond, pretty. And a few episodes later, this. Its absurd! Cbs already announced that she was going to be a regular now, but she hasnt even proved worthy of being on the team. All the episodes with her has shown us that she's a murderer's daughter, and thats all. They didnt show something strong to make us like her and yet they hinted about Seaver and Reid, before her even developing a character and that is a huge mistake on CBS' part since 99% of criminal minds fans are Reid fangirls, right up from season one. Rossi had a strong first impression, he was focused, and a good philosopher, funny sometimes and Prentiss was a strong-headed woman, very focused and proved herself worthy, and worked hard to do it since she was the daughter of a high-ranking woman and even got hurt trying to prove herself but SEAVER. her actions not only risked the team but she hasnt even shown a strong side to her, always crying and moping and getting involved emotionally which is inevitable but she got involved emotionally on her first case- horrible first impression.

I hope theyre not going to put a weak person into the team- Hotch Rossi Prentiss Morgan are physically and emotionally strong so theyre of course great for the job, Reid is of course an exception, being a genius and even though he's emotionally weak, something actually makes up for it, Garcia too, being the queen of everything tech related. But Seaver, weak emotionally and havent really showed her physical strength? No way. The BAU isnt even ABOUT physical strength, its about being good in interpreting people and their mind! Even though morgan is unofficially the strong man of the team physically he's just as well equipped in psychology as he is physically.

Now you know why I'm good in argumentative essays OTL

Yeah this rant is probably because i read next episode's summary;

Reid suffers a series of blinding headaches and hallucinations that leave him and the team concerned for his health. "

Yeah. I am devastated. I mean come on, why Reid? He has been kidnapped, tortured, shot in the leg, contracted anthrax (a fatal disease), a drug addict, isn't that enough?! Pity the fangirls. Me. He has also lost those he was close to in the team, Gideon, his mentor was like his dad, helping him with the drug addiction, and now JJ, who he had a crush on in the beginning but the relationship eventually evolved into a mother-son relationship, with JJ choosing Reid to be her son's godfather even.

LIUDNAUIDANOIAUS I AM TIRED. EMOTIONALLY. If they make Reid and seaver a couple or seaver never proves herself worthy of being in the team, I will quit ah on criminal minds, as difficult as it is considering how attached i am to the show now, i cant live a day without watching one clip on criminal minds T___T

PLUS! They want to make a couple out of reid and seaver when the relationship between Morgan and Garcia is still like THAT?! PFT COME ON CBS. CB AH.

Hai. I should finish reading the books i borrowed from the library.

Adios amigos.

011; Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T08:31:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Tbh, I don't feel anything :/ I spent the day watching criminal minds again and sleeping and watching Digimon 02 and I, uh, bought a pair of shoes OTL I swear I tried to resist, mainly because there weren't any feedback from buyers but today the feedbacks were out and they were really positive ones so, ape lagi, aku beli! And I contemplated, since outside, the shoes costed 100+ so i decided to buy the one i really really like even though the additional price was quite a lot but well.. It's really pretty T__T I'll take the picture, it'll arrive within 2 weeks, so will the other pair I bought OTL

Habes gaji aku (yang aku belom dpt pon HAHAHHAHA). Sunday dpt, I'll have to drop by the playground on Sunday. OK aku VOW, x akan beli kasot lagi. Baju sume ok psl dpt compensation dari abah lolol.

10 more days to results, idk whether to come or not but I think I will but I should bring my glasses in case aku melalak tgk results. Which ade 98% of me doing that. I have a really bad feeling about my results. Seriously kalau x bagos aku nk retake..

I don't have any resolutions for 2011, just the normal work hard, be a good muslimah stuff but oh my goodness I can't think properly I keep thinking about my results T__T

AND ALSO ABOUT THIS DREAM I HAD OF MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER OYMYGOD I ACTUALLY DREAMT OF HIM AND IT WAS A REALLY SWEET DREAM ALDSFVLAISUDFYBALISUDFBIASUDFBISUFBIDF I KEPT RELIVING IT TROLOLOLOL. ^___^ I woke up so happy that i ate cereal and then fell asleep HAHAHAHAHA sumpah!

This year I'll be 18 ====== M18 MOVIES PUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HORROR MOVIES HERE I COME!! Pity SAW and all the good stuff all R21 -___-||

OK I want to watch 2d1n~ Adios yo.

010; Hello

2010-12-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

Hi. I am currently at home, rotting. Michelle went to KOREA trololol Winona and I like "JSBHSJKBHS WHAAAAATTT WE WANT TO FOLLOWWWWW" and she, as in Michelle, will update my working days when she returns, and I'll probably start working again after results so i have like 3 weeks of rotting at home time. I've contemplated getting another job during these 3 weeks but I haven't found a suitable one so yeah.

Yesterday I caught Nazhir singing Spongebob's theme song hahahaha, that OHHHHHH WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? Only his was OHHHHH HBDUSYDBOUIDSBBOIDSYBIDSBI! HAHAHAHAH cute seh. Then when I ran to him and teased him he was like all grinning and shy and embarrassed SO CUTE XD

Results are just around the corner, haiya I can't help but to imagine the worst. Like remembering my oral exams and thinking how shitty it went and ultimately deciding i wont get an A for that subject kind of thing.

And I am now addicted to shoes. I can't keep my eyes off them. Must resist T__T Tunggu dpt gaji, nanti aku beli 3 pairs ok HAHAHAHA. Aku lupe seh poly open house on the 6th, maknenye xle pg karaoke ngn peekaboo mates awww pdhl aku yg suggest seh, tetibe ckp aku nk pg karaoke. I want to go somewhere someone bring me somewhere and I miss popcorn, movie popcorn so NICE everytime I go KFC at Kallang leisure park pass by theater then i go stop for a while smell the popcorn haahahahah.

Yesterday I got bored (as always) and reminisced on kpop lolol watched mvs and hello baby t-ara but got bored again haha i never finished the first episode cos Soyeon and Jiyeon didn't make it and they're my favourite members~

Maybe I'll go cut my hair today. hehehe i know the last cut was during raya, but I really don't like having long hair now. Too bothersome to take care of.

Alright I need the toilet, i keep going to the toilet lately, its been very cold these days.

ADIOS.

009; hullo

2010-12-21T02:20:00.001-08:00

hello there. I've been.. Busy. Working, then quitting. Working again. Then quitting again roflmao. So to cut it short, I worked at Guardian but quit since it was nsjkndchcsbflkas absolute fuckery there, and I also am working (?) at an indoor playground at Leisure Park. The question mark in the bracket is there because I won't be there long, planning to get another job after results. But I'm sort of regretting it. Because I've made awesome friends there! Thollha, Winona, Pearlyn and all. It's like one big happy family with no guys but lots of children and it's awesome! I have yet to settle it and talk to Michelle face-to-face straightening it out but.. I'm in the process..?

A lot of memories, a lot of naughty kids and a lot of housework. Cooking. Vacuuming. The vacuuming bit was embarrassing but sdjlkfnlskdjf. I like the place. It gets boring sometimes especially during the weekdays but the weekends are usually packed. I've met lots of great kids, Jack, Sheldon, Thomas. Thomas is this adorable squishy toddler and Sheldon is this naughty always-wants-a-cold-drink-although-he-can't and Jack, the fat 9 year old who sometimes throws tantrums, but ultimately a nice kid with a hot brother, Kenneth. Hehehe.

And I have come to a decision that although Stadium MRT station is stunning, it SUCKS. Why? THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO SEATS THERE! Like, you have to STAND waiting for the mrt!

Oh and the other day i was going to work and was going down the escalator to the circle line station at paya lebar and guess who was going up the escalator to the green line? Zul! Hahaha aku tgh selamba dgr lagu ngn headphones tros ilhjcblksjdbclskdjcb and cpt2 turon escalator xD

Anyway, this job has taught me a lot about housework. Cooking, cleaning. I made egg sandwiches yesterday and proceeded to make the same thing for breakfast today ^__^ Awesome stuff.

Results are just around the corner and i'm having jitters and I have absolutely no confidence in myself, nada, zilch. I don't even...... Grrr.

On the bright side, I bought a new iphone case! It's bright yellow and a bit thick, but I think that's because my previous pretty pink one was thin. Good enough reason? Yeah I thought so.

I miss everyone. Hope we can meet up soon. 6-8 January yeah? Poly open house!

Alrighty, continuing my movie marathon. Adios, yo.

008; 2 lines

2010-11-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

어디서 뭘 하길래? 얼마나 바쁘길래?

벌써 날 잊은거니? 마음을 접은거니?
- Davichi ; 8282

These 2 lines of lyrics.. Really.. /clutch heart

It basically describes everything my mind is thinking about.

007; last day of november

2010-11-29T22:15:00.000-08:00

Still waiting for job interview results. Will be having a mass briefing for the teachers aid program at iman kindergarten tomorrow at Tampines. Alone again. Forever alone.

I got lost yesterday, going to the recruitment agency, and again to Transitlink. I am absolutely horrible at reading maps. Took me roughly 20 minutes when the return back took 5. Hah.

So my phone broke down so I had to reboot, causing all my apps and music and videos to go poof. But I didn't really mind, weirdly, because I don't really use the apps in my phone excluding some crucial ones like period tracker lolol. So yeah.

Decided not to go out hunting for jobs today cos the maid is off to indonesia and i feel obliged to help around with the housework, especially with Nazhir still sick.. Poor baby can't drink milk.

I dreamt of getting my olevel results- 16. And i uhh cried cos i couldnt get into anything i liked with those results- none of the courses, jcs. So i am absolutely terrified of results, seriously.

OMG KAN AKU DA MAKI KUAT2 TGK CRITER NI! MENGGELETAR SEH, MARAH SGT!! GRAVEDIGGER HAS TO DIEEEEEEEE!!

/breathe in breathe out

I have to go to the store to buy bread after this. Adios.

006; I'm you, daddy

2010-11-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

THIS WAS SO PRECIOUS, I CRIED WHEN JACK SAID "I'm you Daddy!" LIKEKDBHDSKVHD

Okay, okay, imagine this kid who just lost his mother to a serial killer. And of course, Hotch too lost his ex-wife (they divorced but still loved each other, it was just his work getting in the way) and Jack does something like this. SWEET KAN? T______T Basketnye Reaper pg buno Hailey T___T Padan muke, Hotch rembat die smpai mati.

BILE EPISODE 10 NK KLUAR NI! Pdhl air one week ago seh! Today da 6x11!

And i changed the wallpapers in my phone to reid hahahahahahaha byk sgt gmbr cute xD

Alright. End of CM spam.

005; JOOOBBBB

2010-11-28T18:41:00.000-08:00

I FEEL A SURGE OF POSITIVE VIBES TODAY! Firstly, received an email for an interview. Warehouse packer, since I was that desperate, so whatever, okay ah. Then I got a call! This guy, I couldn't catch his name, even though he mentioned it twice, offering me a job interview. He went through it, saying it was for Customer Service Assistant, all you have to do is answer enquiries, sell tickets, collecting money. $6/hr and there's 2 shifts. Location later they confirm, but at mrt station, ticket office. Hopefully it'll go through ah. Shift also quite okay. But I'll be working aloneeeee~ Forever alone~~~

Oh his name Gerald haha. So klao aku amek kerje ni, nanti krg nmpk aku kt ticket office mrt stn. whoa........ memalukannye. but for money. FOR MONEYYYY (narnia style xD) I WILL (try) TO ENDURE!

Alright since have to meet at 3pm, I go out at 2pm, get ready at 1pm. Yes I do plan like that. Okay, need to eat. Like, right now. Adios yo.

004; hello

2010-11-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

Yo. Yes I'm still rotting at home, watching Bones this time and snippets of Criminal minds because I can't live a day without it. And some movies here and there. I have also borrowed a stack of books which i have not really touched. Maybe one, in the toilet. Hehe. It's all.. educational books of course... Of.. Serial killers.. .___.

Yes I do intend to go all the way and get an honours in psychology. I want to get into Singapore's BSU! Isn't it awesome? I mean , if I was fit enough I'd try for FBI but everyone knows I can't run for my life so that's out the window. Maybe I'll consider a kindergarten teacher. And psychiatrist. But of course, it all depends on my results in january. If I don't get into psychology, either I'll continue with alevels or retake Os. Yeah I'm still in the process of convincing mother into letting me retake xD

Yesterday I watched 2 R21 movies which I SWEAR I didnt know were rated that high and i have concluded that I am NOT ready to watch them. Mirror 2.. was.. horrible. My hands were cold and shaking watching all that horrendous GORE. The guy cut his stomach open and took his intestines out and this woman gets beheaded! I was speechless and horrified and the only emoticon that can fully express that emotion is O______O.

So today was Kak Farhah's Nikah which I didnt go to because I went to apply for a job at Daiso WHICH ended up as a failure because they didnt allow us to wear the tudung so that was a waste of time. Plazasing holds a lot of... disturbing memories.. Especially that of the lee minho incident which we almost died. really traumatic experience. Another reason why I quit kpop, because I dont want to die halfway through a concert, ogling at underage kids showing their abs (soon. soon i tell you). Better I die as a martyr.

Later on after Maghrib we went to the Majlis Khatamul Quran. And some Nasyid which I raise my hand in guilt, admitting that I had my earpiece plugged in loud listening to Usher while the old ladies sang the nasyid. That made it bearable. After that I tossed the idea of going to the Pasar Malam a block away to Abah and ended up buying Ramly burger and some other deliciously sinful food. I do plan on going again tomorrow to buy some spectacles. Broke or not, those glasses were too pretty and colourful to resist. I resisted the iphone case okay, i thought that was an improvement.

Kak Farhah's wedding colours are pink and white! Hehehe. Shouldve seen how my eyes went O__O but in awe, seeing the bright atmosphere of the void deck. But I don't really plan on having a persandingan on MY wedding. I'd rather it be at a mosque. for the aqad nikah. Larger. more people can come. Unless my future mother in law wants a grand one. But personally I'd rather use the thousands of dollars to instead splurge on my honeymoon! Much much much more worthwhile!

This intern on Bones, Wendall is very good-looking. Bones and Booth should really just MARRY. I cannot stand it. If the series ends and they dont end up together , I will skin the producers alive like the sheeps during Aidiladha.

I wonder when we'll go to Johor again. Need to splurge. Soon. I want to find Criminal minds cds too. Yes bndaifnasidfaiu I love criminal minds. Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, Morgan, Garcia, REID especially. But of course, this too, shall pass. Just like my digimon, csi, photoshop, cpop, kpop days. Those were the days~

Psychiatrists always ask the right questions. Like being stabbed through the heart kind of questions but still, it explains everything.

I need to concentrate on Bones. Adios amigos. Miss you loads classmates~ Really.

003; couch potato

2010-11-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

Hi. I have run out of Criminal Minds episodes to watch so life sucks atm. Like seriously idk what to do, not seeing my baby's face xD

Hensem kan xD Hahaha had an argument with Mr Hazrin how Reid pwnes him. I miss criminal minds already. BILE EPISODE 10 NK KLUAR KT INTERNET~? So I think now I'll start watching Bones.

Off to get ready for interview. Still dk whether to apply for maarif or not. Toodles yo.

002; still no job

2010-11-15T06:18:00.000-08:00

My feet are killing me. So, I slept at 4am watching Criminal Minds, all 7 episodes of the sixth season. Then went to meet Nazihah at Bishan for interview. Then surveyed Junction 8, prayed at An-Nahdhah and applied for some jobs, idk. Then ate at kfc, went to Orchard to shop with Iza, Liyana and papadarling.

Just. Tiring. Could sleep standing. OH AND I MADE A LIBRARY CARD 8D Payed my debt -__- and made a card just because xD

NOW IDK WHAT TO DO .__. Watched the eighth episode of Criminal Minds. now i think i'll watch a super lq heaven's postman. idk whether i should go woodlands library or not. Surveyed pasir ris library just now, the psychology books sucked. Bishan had great ones. Maybe I'll go Bishan, borrow books and rot at Elias CC's new Mcd. I want to survey the shops at whitesands too though. idk. my legs hurt a lot.

Okay, big mistake, watching heaven's postman. IDBUOIBDSOI JAEJOONG. REID. REID. REMEMBER REID. AWESOME SPENCER REID. ARSONISTS ARE USUALLY WHITE MALES, RANGING FROM 17-25YEARS OLD. THEY ALSO TEND TO WAIT AND WATCH WHILE THEIR VICTIMS BURN.

Yes I'm beginning to pick stuff up from Criminal Minds. I'll continue my mental illnesses research soon.

001; FREEDOM

2010-11-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

121110 Marked the end of Os!

And even though I've applied for countless jobs, none have contacted me back :/ So I am currently jobless, moneyless, lifeless. Day one of end of Os, I spent watching Criminal Minds, and 2 Pokemon movies back to back so today wasn't that much of a waste, ya? Also did a bit of research on Alzheimer's disease, Asperger's disease and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). Just for kicks. Will be resuming my research on mental illnesses tomorrow.

Ah, tomorrow. Dearest brother Naqib will be graduating from kindergarten! Will have to wake up early to go to his graduation ceremony. Since he was sick for a week (high fever), he lost his position to be the reader of the Quran translation bit for the performance tomorrow. I THINK. IDK.

Olevels were okay. I got through it. Just hope the moderation won't be too bad. I can't risk having Bs or I won't even have a chance to go for the course I want in Poly. Of course, there's the other alternative, JC but I'd rather avoid that alternative. So there are approximately ~5 courses that I'm interested in and 4/5 are Psychology courses. The other is Digital Forensics. No COP yet though.

So besides rotting at home while waiting for calls, I have decided to make the best of the excess time to go to the library and read up on Psychology, etc. Beats home. and I haven't paid my library debt hehehe. Only God (and the library people) knows how much my debt has accumulated to.

I wonder what I should do with all these school books and notes. Hmm.

Too lazy to set up tagboard. Anything, hit me with a @reply at twitter or something. Link's on the right.